Mr Stan's (brief and rather vague) New Moon Review

I nearly passed out from shock last night when Mr Stan agreed to take me to see New Moon.  I mean, ok he insisted that I paid (ever the romantic), but I thought the chances of him ever setting foot in a cinema with the intention of seeing a Twilight film, was in the same realms of possibility as Taylor Lautner's next job being as a hand model (with those freaky fingernails).

My first inkling that maybe I'd made a mistake in taking him came when he refused to chatter excitedly with me about Rob's shirtless scenes before the film came on.  My second came when he threatened to hit me if I didn't stop talking after the film started (maybe he's a closet fan, who knew?!).  I was also quite bitter that he didn't do any excited quiet squees whenever I nudged him at a topless actor.  Honestly, talk about not entering into the spirit of things.

The main disappointment for me that I'd never considered was that I sat there watching it, completely aware of who I was with and seeing it through his eyes.  Not good, I can tell you.  I think, having done this I could probably write a pretty Mr Stan-esque review of the film myself, but I thought it would be much more fun to sit him down and put him on the spot about it instead.

So, from the comments that I had the foresight to note down after we got in last night from his comments on the way home, his overall opinion was that....it was dull and he's never been so bored in his life.  If the amount of yawning he started doing about half way through is an indicator of this then I can vouch that he's telling the truth.

Mr Stan was as full of joie de vivre as ever as he watched New Moon with Stan

He actually did relent though with the fair comment that it's 'probably ok' if you've read the books and seen the first film.  As he point blank refuses to do either of these and even declined my offer of a quick Twilight rundown on the way there, I say he's only got himself to blame.

Other thoughts he had which prove to me that he didn't have a clue what was going on were:

* Jake, she's chosen someone else, move on. 
Mr Stan: "What about (vague description follows from which I ascertain he's referring to Alice), she was alright."
Stan: "She's with Jasper." 
Mr Stan: "Which one was that?"
Stan: "The one that tried to kill Bella at her birthday party."
MrStan: "What birthday party?  I didn't see a party."
At which point I give up.

* Obviously something interesting was going on because he (another vague description = Aro) couldn't see anything when he touched her.

His overall summing up was that half of the film consisted of nothing happening except music playing and a woman lying on leaves in a bush.

Woman/chimp, who cares?

He did, of course, manage to scrape together an opinion on the three main characters:

Bella: "She had the same jeans on all the way through, dirty bitch, she fell off a cliff in them (Stan: fell?), fell off a motorbike in them, she even slept in them.  She's got a nice arse though."  Obviously, because I didn't notice the jeans at all, might know something was drawing his attention.

Edward: "He looks very ill.  And he's got a manky chin." *tut*

Jake:  Well, actually Mr Stan came up with a not-to-be-missed marketing opportunity here.  I have to say, I'm quite proud of him for this one, so without further ado, a message from our sponsor:

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