Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Mr Stan's (brief and rather vague) New Moon Review

I nearly passed out from shock last night when Mr Stan agreed to take me to see New Moon.  I mean, ok he insisted that I paid (ever the romantic), but I thought the chances of him ever setting foot in a cinema with the intention of seeing a Twilight film, was in the same realms of possibility as Taylor Lautner's next job being as a hand model (with those freaky fingernails).

My first inkling that maybe I'd made a mistake in taking him came when he refused to chatter excitedly with me about Rob's shirtless scenes before the film came on.  My second came when he threatened to hit me if I didn't stop talking after the film started (maybe he's a closet fan, who knew?!).  I was also quite bitter that he didn't do any excited quiet squees whenever I nudged him at a topless actor.  Honestly, talk about not entering into the spirit of things.

The main disappointment for me that I'd never considered was that I sat there watching it, completely aware of who I was with and seeing it through his eyes.  Not good, I can tell you.  I think, having done this I could probably write a pretty Mr Stan-esque review of the film myself, but I thought it would be much more fun to sit him down and put him on the spot about it instead.

So, from the comments that I had the foresight to note down after we got in last night from his comments on the way home, his overall opinion was was dull and he's never been so bored in his life.  If the amount of yawning he started doing about half way through is an indicator of this then I can vouch that he's telling the truth.

Mr Stan was as full of joie de vivre as ever as he watched New Moon with Stan

He actually did relent though with the fair comment that it's 'probably ok' if you've read the books and seen the first film.  As he point blank refuses to do either of these and even declined my offer of a quick Twilight rundown on the way there, I say he's only got himself to blame.

Other thoughts he had which prove to me that he didn't have a clue what was going on were:

* Jake, she's chosen someone else, move on. 
Mr Stan: "What about (vague description follows from which I ascertain he's referring to Alice), she was alright."
Stan: "She's with Jasper." 
Mr Stan: "Which one was that?"
Stan: "The one that tried to kill Bella at her birthday party."
MrStan: "What birthday party?  I didn't see a party."
At which point I give up.

* Obviously something interesting was going on because he (another vague description = Aro) couldn't see anything when he touched her.

His overall summing up was that half of the film consisted of nothing happening except music playing and a woman lying on leaves in a bush.

Woman/chimp, who cares?

He did, of course, manage to scrape together an opinion on the three main characters:

Bella: "She had the same jeans on all the way through, dirty bitch, she fell off a cliff in them (Stan: fell?), fell off a motorbike in them, she even slept in them.  She's got a nice arse though."  Obviously, because I didn't notice the jeans at all, might know something was drawing his attention.

Edward: "He looks very ill.  And he's got a manky chin." *tut*

Jake:  Well, actually Mr Stan came up with a not-to-be-missed marketing opportunity here.  I have to say, I'm quite proud of him for this one, so without further ado, a message from our sponsor:

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Meg said...

haha. Mr. Stan is a typical male. Can't blame him! My best guy friend refuses to go with me, and he indulges me in just about everything.

BTW, I never noticed Jakey's fingernails. Uck.

Stan said...

I knew when I first spotted those fingernails in the Movie Companion beforehand that I'd become obsessed with spotting them in the film. I was right. *sigh*

mmMoxie said...

Mr. Stan is hilarious. Mr. Moxie won't even say "New Moon". The only reason he saw Twilight was because he had just gotten home from a 3 hour road trip and collapsed in his chair and was too lazy to leave the room when I played the DVD

Anonymous said...

Jake Shakes. God, those would make a killing. Sorry Mr. Stan didn't like the movie. Maybe he just needs the right encouragement like some sexy pictures of Alice. Perhaps you could spring just a couple minutes of Twilight on him. You know, the baseball scene. I don't think any man can resist dirty thoughts when she hikes her leg while pitching.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god...I was laughing from beginning to end. That was hilarious! "What birthday party?" LOLOL!!! Chimpsten in the leaves, priceless!!! I never noticed the same jeans either! I loved to hear Mr. Stan's review.

Snarkier Than You said...

Taycob must be a nail-biter!!! er, and bad perspective in that pic or he had baby-hands - eek!

Mr. Stan is...a dude. I imagine Mr. Snarky would feel the same way. It would be awesome if he'd read the books and I've TRIED to get him to take a look, but um I think maybe he would have to grown a vagina first and frankly I am fond of his current...configuration - lol!

: )

Raptor said...

bahahahahahahahahah that monkeystew is hilarrrious!

Jelena said...

I never noticed that Taycob has such disgusting fingeres. Ew. Thanks for pointing that out, now I'll be chasing them too, *rollseyes*.

My husband has agreed to go see NM with me. I never asked him to watch Twilight, but then he did, on his own. I was totally surprised when he said he liked it. I wonder what's he going to say after seeing NM.

TwiWeasel said...

Jay-sus...I have one computer free evening and apparently all hell breaks loose!! I've decided to post all replies here so I don't have to keep going to past posts...I told you guys, I. AM. LAZY.


@ Lisa (Sprtzmom) - Thank you for that! Now I have to see if it works...

17 Forever

BTW...I've lurked a time or two over there...note to self...go back!!

@ Nebilet - No, I am NOT mental...well, maybe just a little. What I mean is, I said no before I realized what I was saying no to!! Sheesh! I thought he was being snarky (No offense, STY) and jokingly offering a stupid Calendar like Kittens *snicker* or horses or something. If I'd had ANY inkling that he was offering RPattz...I'd have been on that mother fucker like white on rice...and I'm not sure if I mean MR. TW or the Calendar!!
Oh!! And I've been meaning to ask...who gets you hotter, Edward or Masen? Bwahahahaha! I'd be willing to bet I can answer that...there's just something about a superglued Faux-Hawk, isn't there!!

@ Stan - I know you've had that Calendar up since September, but I am forced to remain somewhat of a closet freak!! You know my sitch...Mr. Jealouse McEnvy-pants?!?! I'm afraid to push the issue, yet, I. Want. It. It will be mine...oh will be mine. And when you get your new brolly (WTF is wrong with me?) you sooooo have to put a pic up at the top of the blog! But don't remove the old one! Eventually we'll have an Edbrella Collection here!! One last thing...absofuckinglutely love your pic of Mr. Stan!!

OK, one of my besties managed to get her hubster to go see NM with her. She told me his two observations were as follows:
1. Why does Edward always have to talk like he's constipated?
2. (during Alice's vision) Does Edward turn gay in the next movies?

Stan said...

Ok, you know your life has been taken over by Twilight when you're searching for your camera lead to upload pics of Chimpsten in her new chair and are searching through everything* in your kitchen to find it.

You know what *everything in my kitchen appears to consist of? The New Moon Movie Companion, a Taycob mask, THAT copy of Vanity Fair, Taybob's fake muscles from New Moon day at Mary's house, Edward & Jacob pens, a copy of Heat magazine open to the page of the Twitarded Pattinson scruds and a printed pile of the VF pics. *Sigh* I really need to tidy up and stash some stuff away!

sprtzmom1721 said...

This post is priceless!! From the comments, to the review, to the pics. Love it.

I'm going with my hubby this weekend. Although, he's been a pretty good sport about the whole thing. He's watched Twilight on DVD, the New Moon trailers, and a few of the media blitz interviews with me. He even asked me the other day if I had seen the new Burger King commercials yet. And I quote, "It has two twin girls arguing over which team they're on. One of them is Team Edward, and the other one is 'what's the other one's name?'." It says a lot that he has only retained Team Edward. LOL!


Z Any Mouse said...

@Stan - I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. The before and after pics of shaky Jake are priceless! My daughter wanted to know what was so funny (I have to edit so much stuff because she's only 10 (Twitarded, I'm lookin' at you!), so I allowed her to take a gander at Jake and then we were both laughing hysterically. She's still laughing now as she is gathering her things for school. Gotta go!

TigerlilyRose said...

LMAO LMAO LMAO! This post is the best. My hubs and I have a standing arrangement:
1. I don't make him go shopping and he doesn't complain (too much) about the Credit Card bill.

2. I don't make him read my books or see movies about shit he won't understand, nor care about.

So far, it works for us.

LOL...Props for giving 'er a go though!

Much Love.

Stan said...

For any newbies here, Chimpsten started off as the female star of our version of the New Moon trailer here

Have a look!

sprtzmom1721 said...

@Stan - That post is where I met and fell in love with your blog. It's a classic! I love your Twitter background, too, which features Chimpsten on the leaves :)

Stan said...

The leaves is one of my faves :o). I updated my Twitter page after the airport pics hit the press though ;o)

sprtzmom1721 said...

@Stan - Holy fuck (literally!) how did I miss that. LOVE IT!

Stan said...

Didn't you see the post on here at the time? LOL! I cracked up taking the pics for that one!

Stan said...

The airport pics the papas really wanted

Stan said...

That should have said 'paps' btw LOL!

sprtzmom1721 said...

@Stan - Hell, yes, I saw that post. I know I commented on it, too. In fact, it's the reason I did this tribute post to you:

When I signed up to follow you on Twitter is probably the last time I saw your Twitter background so I didn't realize it had changed.


Stan said...

Ooh, yes, I did see that but I was staying at my parents' for a family funeral so didn't manage to reply at the time (I have no memory since I had the kids so if I don't do something straight away I forget!). Sorry about that, thank you! And for the comments above about falling in love with the blog too! xx

sprtzmom1721 said...

@Stan - *BIG smile*


Twi-Me? said...

Airport pics= BRILLIANT
Pic of Mr. Stan yawning = BRILLIANT

I love you Stan! You make me LOL, and make me happy after a shitty day at the office!!

scubaminx36 said...

Stan I took Lee and Louis (9) - Lee thought it was ok (he actually likes twilight better but is willing to go see the next one two). however, Louis only comments where "can't you get those girls to shut up", "Oh my god why wont' they shut up", "why are they giggling" and "how boring" - told him it was a chick flick and he'd prefer 2012 but he wouldn't listern - oh well second viewing for me, second time of hearing a collective sigh followed by giggling when Jake takes his shirt of, surpressed smirking when Edward does the same under the clock tower - serious work on those abs Mr E.