Friday, 26 February 2010

The Cullen Boys Deliver Avon

Hey Ho's it's the weekend again and this weekend is my Avon weekend; yes I am a Ding Dong, an Avon lady but a not a very good one. Do I demonstrate um no, do I carry a back round like in Edward Scissorhands and show people make up, er no I don't. I shove a book through your door and collect it 2 weeks later. If you want something you can have it, if you don't it ain't no skin offa my nose lady pmsl

The cat never lies.....

Well seeing as I've been a bit under the weather my boys in the attic said they would help me out delivering, maybe demonstrating etc. Even Beacob said he would lend a paw bless him.

Woah Beacob, where's your brush and maybe some gel?

Much better...and you've been using the hair removal cream ooo and the self tan apparently

I asked Jaskper to extoll the virtues of hair volumising shampoo

Um, yeah I agree Jazz a little too much volumising there

An improvement Jasperpants but you need eye drops now, shampoo get in there babes?

Robert considerately offered to show me how the body oil doesn't mark the sheets or irritate my skin. Thank you darling.

Avon also do underarm deoderant...appreciated Kellan

Shower gel, need any help there love?

Even boxer shorts, belts and body camoglage make up if you really have to cover up that body Cam. I think you missed a bit let me apply more...(Not a Cullen but hot damn I love this picture)

Bless him he's knackered...where did Robert go?

ROB!!!! You look real purty and all but how many times have I told you to keep out of my make up bag...go wash it time I see

Gulp, so much better

So what you think lady would you buy if one of these came to your door. I'd be inviting them in for a demonstration or 2 I think pmsl. But if you were stranded somewhere would you have Kellan and his deoderant, Rob and his body oil & makeup, Jasperpants with his shampoo, Wolfy with fake tan and gel or Cam and his camoflage, pants & belt. As a representative I'd of course have to try it all hehe...

See on Monday for birthday celebrations.....have I mentioned that already bwahahaha, cards arriving in the post today so excited I'm pathetic lol

Friday Fun Five

I feel terrible, Nibbles has diagnosed me with the Twiflu that has apparently been going round.  I feel the kind of terrible that mkaes you want to smash yourself over the head with a brick and ram a poker into your ear because it's so sore.  You know what makes me feel worse?  That I actually have a legitimate reason for sitting doing nothing all day but my head even hurts too much to look at the computer screen (so I apologise if this has loads of typos cos I'm doing it looking at the keyboard) so I can't even spend it reading fic.

The day got ff to a fantastic start when I tried to get Mr Stan out of bed to help me with the kids (not successful).  He finally got up when our 2yr old Stanlet appeared with shampoo all over his head from the bathroom.  Yep, no way I'm sorting something that didn't happen on my watch today.

Anyway, enough of my moaning, I've been told that I'm incredibly grumpy this morning by Mr Stan (wonder why, nobhead?), so let's get on with the FFF.

Starlit Violets chose Jelena as her winnner last week and Jelena has come up with her quesgtions at incredibly short notice so thanks Jelly.  Ok, over to you:

Thank you SV for picking me. I know it must've been that Sarah Jessica Parker comment that made you decide on the winner, right? Nothing bonds us girls like a mutual object of our violent desire. Therefore, my questions today will all be either about violence or desire. This shouldn't surprise you, cause you know I'm a nosy cow who loves prying into your sex life. Here we go. Buckle up.

1. What is your wildest, yet to be lived, sexual fantasy?

2. Ever been caught masturbating? Tell us a detailed account of what happened.

3. Describe one of your favourite movie sex scenes?

4. Was there a part in the Twilight saga that you bored with? If not, were there parts that you felt so angry with you wanted to rip the pages out and burn them - choose one that pissed you off the most - but it cannot be Isle Esme because technically those pages are already missing, and we were all upset by them, so it must be something else.

5. Is there someone that you know who constantly makes you think violent thoughts, like every time you see them? You know, stuff like ripping their hair by the root, punching them in the face, choking them to death, that kinda stuff?

Have fun.

I'll be back later to give you my own answers.

Jelena x

Thursday, 25 February 2010

Community Fan-Fic Thursday...again

Good Morning Ho's , it's that time again *evil grin* So dig into your imaginations (god help us all) and lets see what we can come up with again :)

Firstly some of my fave sex hair pics of the one and only Rob


No need for captions, it's all in the hair
And your starting point for today is............................................

Being a fragle little human was beginning to take it's toll on bella's libido. There was no way Edward would go any further than kissing and a little over the clothes fondling. As nice as it was it left her wanting more, a lot more. This affected her moods in a major way and she was beginning to become unbearable to be around. So much so Alice pulled her to one side to confront her for being such a snarky cow....

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

It shoulda been me...

It shoulda been me!

Its all over the blogiverse, they are together! Robert "the chosen one"Pattinson and Kristen "I'm really happy, honestly" Stewart are bumping uglies (yack)

Gah! It's not that I don't want the Precious to be happy; I do, I do, just with me pmsl.

The er happy couple

I know it's never going to happen, he's 24 I'm nearly, mumbles 43. He's fit as fuck, I'm just fucked. But in my head we're perfect for one another.

Seee, I know what he wants!

I suppose now we're going to be subjected to gushing outpourings of I love her, she's the best actress of our era (gag), I'm so proud of her (bleurgh) from Rob while the Stew-ped one does her version of the same

Yes, Rob's great, I love that man of mine, yes I do (she's just glowing)

I make no bones about it I'm green with envy and I guess as long as Rob is happy then (grudgingly) that's all that matters (bah!)

Me, envious

I just hope they don't split up and fuck up Breaking Dawn. I mean its bad enough we're left with a few feathers and a busted headboard after we've all been dying for that bedroom scene without those two being on set loathing each other. So while I'm not completely happy about this I won't hunt her down and do anything until BD is done and dusted ok.

Yeah you better be looking over your shoulder missy!

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

What fics are you reading?

Hello!  Just thought I'd do a post where we can share what we're up to in the world of fanfic.

I've got a few on the go at the moment:

This is a fab story, not like any of the other fics I've read and well written :o)

"Edward Cullen met the girl of his dreams but pushed her away due to his complicated, dangerous family life. When cruel irony reunites them, he’s forced to make a devastating choice: Save her from a fate worse than death or from the family business."

This is another fairly new story that I'm enjoying, I can't wait to see where it goes.

Your True Colors by Not What You Think (Betti Gefecht)
"Annie is a single woman, fetching, lucky and mildly obsessed with Twilight. She doesn't miss a thing in her life. Until one day she sees her own personal Edward. Her fantasy starts running wild about a beautiful boy, way too young to even think about it."

This story has been deservedly nominated for a TwiFic Indie award, so if you like it then please consider voting, the link is on the story's blog page here

The Canvas is by Twiholic (our Jelena!)
"Bella is a curator and in a serious relationship. When she meets a handsome artist, her life becomes one of confusion and anguish. Will she decide to go with the comfortable familiarity of her old lifestyle, or will she jeopardize it all for an adventure."

Jelena writes HOT lemons and her storyline's good too :o)

"What was it like for Sam Uley to become the first wolf? How did he handle loving Leah only to imprint on Emily? How did Emily get her scars? Here's Sam's POV from New Moon through Breaking Dawn & beyond."

IamKate has written a whole imprint saga about the wolf pack, of which this is the first.  She's been nominated for several fic awards and if you read her stories you'll see why.

Why my only pic of the wolf pack I have saved has them with shirts on is beyond me.  Brit readers, please note Gianni Di Marco on the right of the pic.

"The Misapprehension of Bella Swan Regarding the Inferior Intellect of Hockey Players: Through incessant stalking and persistence, can Edward wear down Bella's resistence and teach her to embrace her inner puck bunny? A ridiculous love story."

A funny new fic by one of the fandom's best known authors.

Closed my eyes to choose - this is what you get!

I realise that amongst you there are a number of other fics that you're writing, and I am getting around to them, my brain just jumps around so I tend to read whatever I happen to remember about on any given opportunity, but please give us links in the comments, don't be shy to pimp yourself! 
What about one more closed eyes photo choice while we're here?

So, what are you reading or would recommend at the mo?

Monday, 22 February 2010

Let's try a new game

I've got a new game to play :)                     
calm down Ho's!
It's twilight related obv

                                                                        Awwww bless em

Back to the game. If I said Twilight, you use the last letter of the word as the first letter of the next Twilight related word
Thinking hard, bless him.

New Moon...............see, easy peasy.

I'll start with Cullen.


Sunday, 21 February 2010

Red Carpet Rob

In honour of Rob appearing at the BAFTAs in London tonight I thought I'd take a walk down the red carpet with him.  Enjoy!

Happy Sunday Ho's :o)

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Saturdays make me smile

Hey there you luvverly ho's as you can see by the title the weekend makes me smile and not just me but Robert too. I came across a video that I thought was pretty good and just had to show it to y'all.

Thanks to TheGinaJuicy for making such a happy video, also I lurve this song and I don't do pop! I'm hard core rock & indie all the way baby but it makes me smile too so I had a total indulgence lol.

So to make my weekend perfect I decided to give Rob a tinkle on the old dog &and bone

Hey babes wanna come over to my place? Ok see you in 5

Rob you know I have a shit load of cuffs in the attic?!

Don't look at me like that you know what'll happen I hope you've been taking your vitamins

Ooo you have (thanks to btw)

So what else you got in mind there cowboy?

Oooo are we playing dress up darling

So you gonna just lay there or you gonna do something stud?

Stripping is good, slow, slow, slower....

Get in the shower next then I'm taking you back to the attic for some quality fifty shades time bwahahaha....

Hmmm yum yum, just pop that button and woo hoo

Ok, you know what to do next

Now I wasn't gonna put this next shot in but seeing as y'all went sex fucking loopy on community fanfic I figured I wasn't gonna offend any fucker with this!

Now let your imagination get round that image ladies pmsl

Have a great weekend!!