Get Deep With TwiWeasel...or Not. (Don't Forget CFF!)

In order to let you "Across the Pond" Hos get in on CFF early, I've asked Stan to post this for me on Thursday morning. Thanks, Stan!

Before I get started, let me first say that I have no fucking clue how you do it, Stan. How in the world do you come up with something to write about every day? (OK, I guess not everyday as Nibbles and Mary post too, as well as picking up my slack. Thanks for that, hos.) My point...you guys rock and I love ya!

Anyhoo...I have actually been thinking about this a lot since Jelena's I'm Ruined post. What is it about Fan Fiction that I like so much? Besides all the citrusy goodness, I mean.

So, I compared some of my favorite books with some of my favorite Fan Fics and I finally came up with this. It's the swearing.

*record needle scratch*

What the fuck?

I dunno about you, but this pic ALWAYS makes me ask "What the Fuck?"

No, really. I'm serious. In Fan Fiction, the people talk like real people, right? They call each other names (I particularly like Asshead and Fucktard) and they swear, just like people do in real life. Perhaps more so than some of us do *cough*Tattward*cough* but I like it. It's...real...for lack of a better word. (Granted, most of my favorite books are Historical Romances, but still...)

What made this clear to me was the book "The Unidentified Redhead" by Alice Clayton. It's written a lot like Fan Fic...because it was one. It's just been...er...revamped (pardon the lame twi-pun.) I highly recommend you read it. If you have read I Love L.A. by feathersmmmm, or anything else that she writes, then yeah, then you know it's awesome.)

As you girls may or may not know, I ordered this book and it (finally) arrived last week and I was freaking ecstatic. I planted my ass in the chair and read that fucker cover to cover, pausing only to pee and take care of the kids when their volume got so loud that I couldn't concentrate. Oh yes, and I paused to Beta Chapter 8 of The Canvas . (Which, by the way, if you are not reading, you need to be. Go. Now. I'll Wait.)

OK, done? Awesome, right? Toldja so.

Now where was I? Oh yes, you can purchase an e-book, or go old school and get the real thing like I did, by visiting http://www.aliceclayton.com/ All right, enough pimping for now...on to the Community Fan Fic...

Show the road! Let's get it on! (A very drunk friend of mine once said that...she was trying to say "Let's get this show on the road," but it's so much funnier this way!)

From last week...I'll just put my whole contribution, since I'm cool like that. (Yeah, I hear you laughing.)

Meanwhile, back at the Cullen house, trouble was brewing. With the girls shopping and the boys hunting (except Edward) Esme decided to indulge in some much needed alone time. She had been shopping with the girls earlier, but left them after the fifth store. Only Rose could keep up with Alice, so they wouldn’t be surprised that she was gone.

She roamed quietly around the house for a few moments, just treasuring the quiet. Then she slowly made her way up the stairs to the room she shared with Carlisle. Humming softly to herself, she walked into the closet, fingering her beautiful clothing. She started at the green stickiness on her hand when she touched her favorite skimpy robe.“What the hell,” she thought, but before she could register what it was, an unfamiliar smell reached her nose.

Another vampire was in the house, and it wasn’t a Cullen. It was a vaguely familiar scent, though. Absentmindedly, she wiped her hand off on her pants as she followed the scent, locating its source.

In the hall, down the stairs, through the living room, the scent was stronger. Finally, in the kitchen, she found what she was looking for. There, seated on one of the bar stools, gloriously naked, rigid cock in hand was none other than Laurent.

“Esme,” he murmured, too low for human ears. Esme had no trouble hearing him, but was still confused. What was he doing in her house, her kitchen, and why was he naked?

Ahhh...Johnny Bite Down!! This is my favorite Rob pic.

To make up for the one I posted above.