Thursday, 11 March 2010

Get Deep With TwiWeasel...or Not. (Don't Forget CFF!)

In order to let you "Across the Pond" Hos get in on CFF early, I've asked Stan to post this for me on Thursday morning. Thanks, Stan!

Before I get started, let me first say that I have no fucking clue how you do it, Stan. How in the world do you come up with something to write about every day? (OK, I guess not everyday as Nibbles and Mary post too, as well as picking up my slack. Thanks for that, hos.) My point...you guys rock and I love ya!

Anyhoo...I have actually been thinking about this a lot since Jelena's I'm Ruined post. What is it about Fan Fiction that I like so much? Besides all the citrusy goodness, I mean.

So, I compared some of my favorite books with some of my favorite Fan Fics and I finally came up with this. It's the swearing.

*record needle scratch*

What the fuck?


Undies Rob
I dunno about you, but this pic ALWAYS makes me ask "What the Fuck?"

No, really. I'm serious. In Fan Fiction, the people talk like real people, right? They call each other names (I particularly like Asshead and Fucktard) and they swear, just like people do in real life. Perhaps more so than some of us do *cough*Tattward*cough* but I like it. It's...real...for lack of a better word. (Granted, most of my favorite books are Historical Romances, but still...)

What made this clear to me was the book "The Unidentified Redhead" by Alice Clayton. It's written a lot like Fan Fic...because it was one. It's just been...er...revamped (pardon the lame twi-pun.) I highly recommend you read it. If you have read I Love L.A. by feathersmmmm, or anything else that she writes, then yeah, then you know it's awesome.)

As you girls may or may not know, I ordered this book and it (finally) arrived last week and I was freaking ecstatic. I planted my ass in the chair and read that fucker cover to cover, pausing only to pee and take care of the kids when their volume got so loud that I couldn't concentrate. Oh yes, and I paused to Beta Chapter 8 of The Canvas . (Which, by the way, if you are not reading, you need to be. Go. Now. I'll Wait.)

OK, done? Awesome, right? Toldja so.

Now where was I? Oh yes, you can purchase an e-book, or go old school and get the real thing like I did, by visiting http://www.aliceclayton.com/ All right, enough pimping for now...on to the Community Fan Fic...

Show the road! Let's get it on! (A very drunk friend of mine once said that...she was trying to say "Let's get this show on the road," but it's so much funnier this way!)

From last week...I'll just put my whole contribution, since I'm cool like that. (Yeah, I hear you laughing.)

Meanwhile, back at the Cullen house, trouble was brewing. With the girls shopping and the boys hunting (except Edward) Esme decided to indulge in some much needed alone time. She had been shopping with the girls earlier, but left them after the fifth store. Only Rose could keep up with Alice, so they wouldn’t be surprised that she was gone.

She roamed quietly around the house for a few moments, just treasuring the quiet. Then she slowly made her way up the stairs to the room she shared with Carlisle. Humming softly to herself, she walked into the closet, fingering her beautiful clothing. She started at the green stickiness on her hand when she touched her favorite skimpy robe.“What the hell,” she thought, but before she could register what it was, an unfamiliar smell reached her nose.

Another vampire was in the house, and it wasn’t a Cullen. It was a vaguely familiar scent, though. Absentmindedly, she wiped her hand off on her pants as she followed the scent, locating its source.

In the hall, down the stairs, through the living room, the scent was stronger. Finally, in the kitchen, she found what she was looking for. There, seated on one of the bar stools, gloriously naked, rigid cock in hand was none other than Laurent.

“Esme,” he murmured, too low for human ears. Esme had no trouble hearing him, but was still confused. What was he doing in her house, her kitchen, and why was he naked?


Photobucket

Ahhh...Johnny Bite Down!! This is my favorite Rob pic.

To make up for the one I posted above.

43 comments:

Becky said...

@TwiWeasel I agree, Twiight would be much better if Edward said 'Fuck' all the time, lol!

That pic of Rob is yum! I have trouble scrolling past it!
I have a few chores todo, then will be back to have a go at CFF.

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Just gotta say MINI E IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stan said...

PMSL Nibbles! Yay!! Hope you'll have time to take a break from playing with him to do CFF. I#ve got to get stuck into some housework, my parents are coming this weekend and being ill all week again has really fucked things up on that front! Be back later ho's!

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

I just checked out that site. That Alice woman is beautiful. So, it's smut? To what extent exactly? I want to know, because believe you me when I tell you that I surely plan on writing a publishable book.

Oh, and Wease, thank you, you're a dear. Now beta that chapter 9 damn it! LMAO!

TwiWeasel said...

@ Becky - Wouldn't it, though? Oh, and I really hope you're talking about the last pic...

@ Nibbles - YAY!! Enjoy!

@ Stan - Housework sucks. I was gonna get really busy today and clean over lunch, but I remembered the kids don't have school tomorrow so what's the point? Besides, I have other things to do over my lunch break. (Right, Jelena?)

@ Jelena - I'll email you more about the book. But first, I gotta chapter to beta!

TigerlilyRose said...

@TwiWeasel "Show the road, lets get it on!" LMFAO I still say that! Bay laughs every time too. I also call cops "ociffer" still (not to their face, except my ex, I used to stick donuts in his truck just to piss him off...LOL)

Be back for Cff later! Got kids up my ass right now! (yes, it does hurt...)

Dangrdafne said...

Dang it - is it really Thursday already? I wanted to have something written for this CFF so I could just copy it here while at work - yea that didn't happen. aarrgg

I like the reason why you like Fan Fic more than "regular" books - I think it is very true. The same may be said for regular TV vs. cable TV in the states.

TigerlilyRose said...

Another vampire was in the house, and it wasn’t a Cullen. It was a vaguely familiar scent, though. Absentmindedly, she wiped her hand off on her pants as she followed the scent, locating its source.

In the hall, down the stairs, through the living room, the scent was stronger. Finally, in the kitchen, she found what she was looking for. There, seated on one of the bar stools, gloriously naked, rigid cock in hand was none other than Laurent.

“Esme,” he murmured, too low for human ears. Esme had no trouble hearing him, but was still confused. What was he doing in her house, her kitchen, and why was he naked?

"Esme?" Laurent said again in his husky low voice. The French accent floating over her making her nipples harden. "I came to see you, Esme. But you weren't here, so I was just entertaining myself while waiting for you." Esme looked down at his huge throbbing cock, and felt venomous saliva build up in her mouth.

"Oh. My. Well, then. Come with me!" Esme said forcefully as she grabbed him by his enormous member and began to drag him through the Cullen's house.

She took him to the den, stood him in front of a red velvet covered chair. She lifted her long leg and pushed him down with one stiletto heeled thrust. She hiked up her tight black skirt, revealing her bare vampire pussy glistening with venom and straddled his enormous throbbing monster. She slid down on his cock with one fluid motion.

"ahhhh...."

TigerlilyRose said...

is it just me or were there a lot of sentences that started with "she" in that last paragraph...sigh...oh well, that's what we get with the no edit, fly by night, Community Fan Fics...LOL

slow day on CFF. Gotta go do laundry and get dressed...rrrrr...housework Sucks!

TwiWeasel said...

@ TLR - I KNEW you'd remember that! LMAO!! I was teasing one of our local cops saying "Ocifer, I swear to drunk I'm not god!" I wasn't really...drunk or god, that is!! BTW, it's very uncomfortable when you have kids up your ass, isn't it?

@ Daf - ARrrrg! Time flies, right? Well, I dare you to continue this while you're at work. No...I double dawg dare you! Muahahaha!

Dangrdafne said...

@ TwiWeasel - I love you, I love everyone here, I love Laurent and I love CFF but right now I ...
oh what the heck...

NOT

sorry can't do it. Need the job and can't chance it :( arrggg

WAIT?? Is there a mobile site set up yet?? I will go look. Be back...

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

She took him to the den, stood him in front of a red velvet covered chair. She lifted her long leg and pushed him down with one stiletto heeled thrust. She hiked up her tight black skirt, revealing her bare vampire pussy glistening with venom and straddled his enormous throbbing monster. She slid down on his cock with one fluid motion.

"ahhhh...."

"Oh Esme" whispered Laurent, "Je vous adore, vous me sens si bon sur moi, faites-l'amour moi, employez-moi, portez-moi à l'enfer et au dos, vous beau diable"

Laurents velvet voice caressed Esme as if the words were his finger tips

"Laurent, I love when you speak French to me, it makes me so horny!" Esme wailed as she bounced up and down in abandon impaling herself over and over on Laurents rock hard cock.

Leaning further back in the chair, Laurent pushed Esme slightly away from him and reached between them marvelling at the difference in their colouring, her creamy white smooth skin and his dark, glistening like stars in the midnight sky.
She gasped as his long fingers touched her clit, smearing their mixed venom over her..as he played with her, rubbing as she lifted up and down on him he said "Do you miss this Esme, do you miss rifing me like this"
"Oh yes Laurent, yes, but in french talk to me in french"
He slid his hands around her buttocks as she held onto him, his one hand pinching and kneading her flesh, the other he circled her asshole, his fingers still slick he slid one finger into her as she bucked harder on him her eyes widening, a smile lifting her lips, "now Laurent, talk to me" she said...
As he pushed his finger in ddeper and stroked the skin just beneath her opening with his thumb he began to whisper "baisez-moi Esme, vous aiment mon doigt à votre fond, vous aiment mon robinet dans votre chat, me baisent ange pour tous que vous valez, vous le veulent don' ; t vous, me dites que la chienne, m'indiquent"

He pushed harder against her and locked his lips to hers growling into her mouth as he felt her tighten around him, "Cum for me, cum now Esme"
As she wailed her release, they suddenly heard a polite cough...
Um excuse me mother but what the fuck are you doing?" said a tinkling voice

Dangrdafne said...

Nope no mobile site and it doesn't matter because 1) I don't think I could have done better than what Nibbles just wrote, WOW and 2) I don't think you can comment through the mobile site. I tried the regular site on my phone and it threw me out of the internet and turned off my phone. Even my phone is afraid of CFF - LOL!! sorry

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Ok for those of you who don't speak french Laurent at first says I adore you, you feel so good on me, I love this, take me, carry me to hell you beautiful devil..

Then he says fuck me esme, you love my finger in your arse, you love my cock in your pussy, fuck me angel for all you are worth, you want it don't you, tell me bitch, tell me. It sounds so much prettier in french doncha think lol

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

ok the first translation is a little loose as I forgot what I was saying, doh, but the second is perfect haha. ok on with FFF

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Hey Dafs waves, Eddie waves too :0)

TwiWeasel said...

@ Daf - Awww...you had me going for a second there. But I agree, Nibbles' contribution rocks!

@ Nibbles - Um...wow! You really are a woman of many talents, aren't you!!

TwiWeasel said...

@ All - Don't forget to leave a quick note letting the rest of us know you are in the process of updating the story!

(Molly) Twinatic said...

I agree full on about the swearing, not just that, but, a lot of dialogue in books just isn't how people talk to eachother in RL ... I'll have to think a min before I considering jumping on the CFF train...

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Ok I'm gonna post something then I'm going for a soak in the tub with mini E, that little guy goes everywhere with me, I love him sooo much LOL

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Anyone else gonna do it before me?

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

"Cherie" cried Laurent delighted, jumping up and heading towards Alice.

"Woah there big boy, you're not touching me like that, uh huh noooo way" Alice backed off her hands raised

Laurent gave a gallic shrug as only the french can do "Pardonez moi, Mademoiselle Alice, I er forget myself, I'll go dress"

Alice turned to Esme, a perfectly arched brow shot up "well Mother, have you no shame" her golden eyes raked Esme head to toe and back again
Esme gave a small smile, her eyes shining as she picked up her discarded clothes "Oops" she said quietly
With that bags hanging off every arm, Rosalie barged in
"Mom what in the name of all thats unholy is laurent doing strutting around naked, not that I'm complaining like" Rosalie yelled with a grin on her face...
"Laurent was just visiting me, he is after all an old friend is he not"
"Pfft" said Alice turning on her heel and marching out.
Rosalie realised her mother was dressing and her jaw dropped. "Fuck mom what did you do, Dad is gonna be pissed beyond belief"

"er I don't think we should mention this to your father" Esme replied buttoning her last button and smoothing her skirt down

"Mention what?" said Carlisle as he walked in with Edward in tow
" Who bit your pickle Eddie" said Rosie taking in Edwards dark face and angry eyes
" I think you should talk to Dad about that, don't you Carlisle" Edward marched off in the same direction just as a startled "Oh" rang down the stairs.
What had Alice seen....

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Okies ladies, I'm shagged out, not literally, heading for the tub, have fun,

Becky said...

@TwiWeasel OMG def the second picture of Rob! I find the first one a little creepy, lol!

@Nibbles Your literary talents are on fine form today! More PornQueen than BlogQueen, rofl!

Will pop back later when I don't have a 6yr old girl peeking over my shoulder!!

Oh, today my 3yr old chose the exact moment I picked him up for a cuddle in the docs to throw up. Surisingly they decidied not to give him his jabs today, lol! I had to chat with the nurse with sick in my hair, all over my coat and dribbling down my sleeve! Just thought I'd share. lol!
My husband thought it was hilarious until i told him I was wearing his watch. (yes, on the sick covered hand!)

TigerlilyRose said...

PMSL @ Nibs...Your french is fab...def sound prettier in french...LMAO..."who bit your pickle?" is now one of my favorite sayings!!! Fabulous!

TigerlilyRose said...

@Becky...UGH! YUCK! I feel for you. I hate it when I am the target for the sick! EEEWWW! My hubs thinks it is funny too, doubt he would feel that way if HE were the target or even cleaned it up! But of course, he just can't stomach it...or poo diapers, yeesh, such a baby!

Where the hell is everyone! are we gonna have to write this thing ourselves today, TW and Nibs? I'll check back in a bit and contribute.

@TW How could I for get "Show the road" or ocifer I swear to drunk, I am not God." I was the one 'O' was always getting in trouble with...my parents still hate her! 18 years later...LMAO...Don't forget the night she thought there were pink polka dotted elephants in the tree...she was on more than Hot Damn that night I am sure...LOL

Stan said...

Hello! I'm here! I'll go next, give me a mo :o)

TwiWeasel said...

@ Becky - Thanks for the clarification. And Ewwww! I'm so sorry to hear you got yakked on! *crosses fingers behind back* I promise I didn't laugh till I pee'd a little when I read that about your husband's watch.

@ TLR - Oh man! I'd forgotten the elephants! And just the mention of the words "Hot Damn" makes my stomache lurch. But not as much as "Tang and Rum." *heave*

Stan said...

"Mention what?" said Carlisle as he walked in with Edward in tow
" Who bit your pickle Eddie" said Rosie taking in Edwards dark face and angry eyes
" I think you should talk to Dad about that, don't you Carlisle" Edward marched off in the same direction just as a startled "Oh" rang down the stairs.
What had Alice seen....

She came flying down the stairs in a blur and came to an abrupt halt in front of her father and brother with her hand over her mouth. She slid it down to her chest as she took in the men in front of her, her eyes filled with emotion.
"Carlisle, what did you do?" she whispered. "Who is that woman that I just saw in Edward's future? The dressmaker? You do know she's not all she seems I take it?"
Carlisle nodded sagely and cast his eyes downward.
"I know Alice, I know all about her attic, I've...I've visited it before several times."
He rubbed his wrists absently as the memory of the way the cuffs could chafe replayed in his mind.
"And now you've exposed Edward to her. I hope you realise what you've done, what's in store for him now?" Alice turned to her brother. "Edward, how opposed are you to dom-sub roleplay?"
Edward looked from Alice, to Carlisle and back to Alice again, his eyes widening in disbelief. He took a deep breath before replying....

Stan said...

@ Becky, nice visual LOL!

@ TwiWeasel & TLR, sounds like you have a tale or two to tell from your mis-spent youths ;o)

Becky said...

@TwiWeasel you should have seen the look on his face, rofl.

@Stan I thought it only fair to share it with you. I am scarred for life! Thank god I had my mouth shut! Sorry. I'll stop now..

Dangrdafne said...

"I know Alice, I know all about her attic, I've...I've visited it before several times."
He rubbed his wrists absently as the memory of the way the cuffs could chafe replayed in his mind.
"And now you've exposed Edward to her. I hope you realise what you've done, what's in store for him now?" Alice turned to her brother. "Edward, how opposed are you to dom-sub roleplay?"
Edward looked from Alice, to Carlisle and back to Alice again, his eyes widening in disbelief. He took a deep breath before replying....


Before he got the chance to speak though, Laurent came strolling into the room and stated "You had better be taking me to that attic you are speaking of. I need to meet this dom/sub woman."



That's all I can offer :) LOL

TwiWeasel said...

@ Stan - Ahhh...the stupidity of youth! Camping in February, French inhaling cigs and puking in a pitcher! What a life, eh?

@ Daf - Yay! You joined in! (More than I did!)I'll count that as accepting my Double Dawg Dare! LOL

TwiWeasel said...

Hey! Who won FFF last week? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to look back.

Stan said...

@TwiWeasel - aah yes, the pitcher puking incident, LOL! Nibs won FFF, she's doing tomorrow's post so who knows what her questions will be? *gulp*

TwiWeasel said...

Cool beans, Stan.

I'm outie girls. See ya tomorrow!

Dangrdafne said...

My most coincidental evening - I was sitting here watching a rerun of the TV show House and I hear a voice that seemed very familiar. I look up and I see a face that looked very familiar and I gasp... it was Edi Gathegi or Laurent from Twilight!!! How funny that I would just happen to watch House tonite and that Edi would be on the episode - he looks MUCH better now - the episode was from 2007 (and it appears he was on for 7 episodes, cool).

StarlitViolets said...

Hello ladies! I went around all day thinking it was Wednesday and so I'm late again. But here I go...

@Dangrdafne - Yay! You contributed. I'm honored to go after you.

@TLR & Wease - "Yes Ocifer, I think I have too much blood in my alcohol level."

StarlitViolets said...

Before he got the chance to speak though, Laurent came strolling into the room and stated "You had better be taking me to that attic you are speaking of. I need to meet this dom/sub woman."

Esme caught on to another word that had been recently spoken, "Dress-maker?"

Carlisle shifted in place uncomfortably and looked around, searching for a subject change. "Laurent! What are you doing here, man?"

With hands on her hips, Esme scowled at Carlisle. Everyone else instantly got the hint and scattered. Gently, she reached for his face, cradling it in her hand as she searched his face for an explaination.

"It's not what you think, Esme. I was having a dress made and Edward was the one who read her mind and told me about the attic," he said in a rush to get the truth out into the open and avoid suspicion.

"Carlisle dear, why on earth are you having a dress made for me without my knowledge?" she asked, clearly perplexed.

"Wait - what were you and Laurent doing before we all got-" his last word was smothered by Esme's urgent kiss. Glad for any reason to avoid the conversation that had been taking place. Setting his own suspicions aside, he gathered Esme up into his arms, still kissing her passionately. He carried her swiftly up to their bedroom without breaking the increasingly sexy contact.

Once in the bedroom, Esme stepped back from Carlisle a few steps and began to expose the porcelain skin of her breasts. Sensing Carlisle's instant erection, she slowed her stripping down to a sensual and tension-building pace. She unzipped her skirt while giving Carlisle a seductive, barely-contained feral look. He stood there, mouth agape, watching his wife disrobe as though it were the first time he'd witnessed the process.

Letting the skirt slide down her long, smooth legs until it came to rest on the floor, she proceeded to climb backward onto the bed. As Carlisle made a move to join her, she held up a finger to halt his efforts. Next, that same finger made it into her mouth and was pulled out slowly, covering it in her own slippery venom.

Carlisle let out an audible gasp as she took the venom-covered finger and began to circle her clit. Esme moaned and tossed her head back in pleasure. Carlisle disrobed and began to handle his cock in response. They took a few minutes to revel in their self-indulgent pleasure before Carlisle pounced on Esme, thrusting his taut-skinned, throbbing dick into her.

Esme's pleasure surged as Carlisle grabbed her hips, driving himself into her deeper. Their movements became more urgent as each neared their climax. Esme threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. He grabbed her ass and picked her up. Swinging her around, he slammed her back against the wall.

They cummed together in perfect synchronicity and slowed their movements until they just held each other in an embrace. Finally, as Carlisle was pulling his dick out of Esme, she coughed, making a sound that her Brit cousin would've called a "fanny fart."

TigerlilyRose said...

@Wease You forgot to mention I thought I was an airplane when we all finally got cold enough to go inside at 3 am. Can't believe I didn't wake parents up...LOL...never forget your first drunk at 14! Oh and the doritos didn't go so well with tang and rum...*shiver* I can't drink Hot Shots or Hot Damn any more...*disgusted face

@SLV Think that one may have been used once or twice as well...LOL Can't wait to see what you add!

@Dangr Way to step and contribute! You can do it! Next week two paragraphs!

@Stan Nice addition to the story! And oh the stories we can tell...Wease and I...of course, I was the one who got us in trouble most often...she was the sucker who went with me...such love she has!

TigerlilyRose said...

@SLV Fanny Fart! PMSL! excellent!

StarlitViolets said...

I forgot to include that her PUSSY made the sound. Ugh. Well - now you know.

Stan said...

@ SLV PMSL! It was all so hot then you threw in the fanny fart! Classic!