Anyway I was messing about in the drawer in my dresser that holds receipts and hair ties and the general crap I don't leave on my dresser and I came across a little book called 100 Best Ever Sex Tips To Satisfy Him....well needless to say I dunno where this little gem came from but as it said HIM in capitals on it I can only assume that the Precious has somehow slipped this into my drawers (hehe) so as I can deal with him all the more effectively...that right Robert?
No it wasn't this book but I wish it was...this looks far more interesting! Is that the sound of tiny ho's googling I hear? LMAO....
Ok I googled it, you can buy it AllBookstores.com for $9.95
I think I better warn you, there may be spontaneous combustion of the pants (not you Mr Pantz) the ladies pants (still not you dude)
No, no dear, I'm doing you this time...role reversal you know instead of you being lost and I help you find your way, we're swapping...yes just like the pony girl and the cowboy...shhh
So one of these tips was called "by the window shag". It recommends that you do this at someone else's house otherwise the neighbours won't speak to you again. The idea is that you're naked from the waist down, the window is at just above waist height and basically you fuck whilst watching the world go by and no one knows unless you shout OMG Robert Pattinson is fucking the life out of me really loudly!!
I can't take Rob to my friends house, all my female friends wanna jump him so I thought in car blow job mayhap?
Or maybe on the balcony blow job...mmhmm sounds like a plan...what you think Robert?
Well that smile says it all...balcony here we come!
Tip number 16 says Caress his lips...(oh yes please) "try brushing your lips over his but not kissing him. Or use your fingers to stroke this area softly then slowly insert a finger into his mouth and let him do the rest...
Ooo, um is it hot in here...ahem..I can see that going over pretty well
Um yeah like that really....
is that pants I smell combusting (not you bro, you're safe)
Last tip for today.. nibbling...my favourite. Actually I'm a biter too, but nibbling is good and yes I would nibble Mr Pattinson wherever his little heart desired
Oh my yes, I really enjoyed starting there, wow this should come with a health warning...ok the attics calling. Any ho's up there clear out I need some private time... ROBERT...attic now!
I think Rob definately should come with a warning label lol...something like Proceed with caution large object up ahead hehe. I put this as my status on Facebook today "If I came with a warning label what would it say"...my friends brother said "Beware! May cause laughter, confusion and heartbreak" Bless him!
So what warning would you give Rob and I?
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13 comments:
I would picture your warning label as something like "This Kitten has Fangs", or "I bite. You'll like it."
Or if you're feeling saucy and not wanting to be bothered, simply "There is but one key to free you, and I hold it...in my Glory Box."
For the both of you, I dunno. I would just warn Rob that if he's not in the attic, in position in 5 min then he better be prepared for Mistress Nibbles to inflict punishment. *whip cracks*
I am non-sten, crapsten, taintsen...but that pic...ungh. Can we just photoshop her out? I'll stand in. No prob.
Love you Nibby, will miss you round the Towers, but will hump you daily on FaceFuck and Twatter. You will be back in full force soon!!!
xoxo
E
Good morning Nibbles :)
I think your warning should read as....
Nibbles Warning
@SmartEpantz-LMAO at FaceFuck and Twatter! Yes, I am juvenile and completely lose it when I hear a fart joke.
(Posted on the attic hatch)
Warning: In the event of loud banging or animalistic growls, DO NOT COME IN!!
@Mary pmsl. I love that warning!
@Z any Mouse perhaps it should read
(Posted on the attic hatch)
Warning: In the event of loud banging or animalistic growls,
PLEASE COME AND JOIN IN!!
ACHTUNG! Prolonged exposure to Nibbles may be habit forming.
Humbly wondering if anyone else would like to stop by and sign Nibbles Get Well card?
I love every single warning posted above - the are all perfect. Mr. Pantz, I like that your warning can be both friend and lover as Nibbles is certainly habit forming for laughter and friendship :)
Simply put:
WARNING! HOT!
"Playground, Proceed With(out) Caution"
Or
“Speed bumps ahead”
Awww thanks you lot, you're really wonderful people, I got so many people praying for me now if it goes by pure will alone I will be up and cartwheeling on saturday haha I joke. Jon can you tell Rebekah I was joking about cartwheels, I've had to log out of everything asd my youngest is kicking me off!
@Mary Love the warning-fantastic.
They are all brilliant and Dafs i love you too sweetheart xxx
How bout "May contain nuts"? Seems appropriate LOL. Get back here soon Nibbs! We'll miss you! Speedy recovery too!
TM~
xoxo
p.s. I'm still available to watch the "Attic" if you need me. I however don't make any promises that I won't kidnap Rob ;)
warning! side affects may include: increased verbage, hysterical laughter, dirtier thoughts, and anal leakage.
Mr. Pantz...you reminded me of a joke my husband texted me:
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex can make your whole day.
Anal sex can make your (w)hole weak!
Bwahahahahahaha!
Why did you stop listing sex tips??????? AAAAHHHH!!! I'm all hot and bothered here!!!!!!
Nibbles' warning: "She'll get you all revved up and then leave you wanting more"
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