Anyway I was messing about in the drawer in my dresser that holds receipts and hair ties and the general crap I don't leave on my dresser and I came across a little book called 100 Best Ever Sex Tips To Satisfy Him....well needless to say I dunno where this little gem came from but as it said HIM in capitals on it I can only assume that the Precious has somehow slipped this into my drawers (hehe) so as I can deal with him all the more effectively...that right Robert?
No it wasn't this book but I wish it was...this looks far more interesting! Is that the sound of tiny ho's googling I hear? LMAO....
Ok I googled it, you can buy it AllBookstores.com for $9.95
I think I better warn you, there may be spontaneous combustion of the pants (not you Mr Pantz) the ladies pants (still not you dude)
No, no dear, I'm doing you this time...role reversal you know instead of you being lost and I help you find your way, we're swapping...yes just like the pony girl and the cowboy...shhh
So one of these tips was called "by the window shag". It recommends that you do this at someone else's house otherwise the neighbours won't speak to you again. The idea is that you're naked from the waist down, the window is at just above waist height and basically you fuck whilst watching the world go by and no one knows unless you shout OMG Robert Pattinson is fucking the life out of me really loudly!!
I can't take Rob to my friends house, all my female friends wanna jump him so I thought in car blow job mayhap?
Or maybe on the balcony blow job...mmhmm sounds like a plan...what you think Robert?
Tip number 16 says Caress his lips...(oh yes please) "try brushing your lips over his but not kissing him. Or use your fingers to stroke this area softly then slowly insert a finger into his mouth and let him do the rest...
Ooo, um is it hot in here...ahem..I can see that going over pretty well
is that pants I smell combusting (not you bro, you're safe)
Last tip for today.. nibbling...my favourite. Actually I'm a biter too, but nibbling is good and yes I would nibble Mr Pattinson wherever his little heart desired
Oh my yes, I really enjoyed starting there, wow this should come with a health warning...ok the attics calling. Any ho's up there clear out I need some private time... ROBERT...attic now!
I think Rob definately should come with a warning label lol...something like Proceed with caution large object up ahead hehe. I put this as my status on Facebook today "If I came with a warning label what would it say"...my friends brother said "Beware! May cause laughter, confusion and heartbreak" Bless him!
So what warning would you give Rob and I?