Thursday, 13 May 2010

Rob's Birthday Blog Train - Dear Rob...

Shit, it's from those crazy Edbrella Ho's. If it's rude I'm going to burn it.

Dear Rob

We tried our best to think of a suitable message for you, we really did. It was itsjustme's fault really, I mean, she's the one that mentioned poetry and...well, you know us dirty ho's here at Edbrella, it headed slightly downhill from there. We know that the idea is to post something that we wouldn't mind you happening across, but I'm afraid we have no shame. We know that you have a cracking sense of humour...
Did someone say 'crack'?

... and that you probably get sick of people *ahem* sucking up to you all the time. And while none of us have any objections to 'sucking up to you' in certain situations, I'm afraid that this probably isn't one of them.

Now I've decided that us Edbrella ho's are best served raw. In fact, my usual editing for posting our conversations on here only really consists of deleting the 'brb, Harry's pooed in his pants' or 'my wound has been bleeding' type comments (both genuine, and probably preferable to the bits I'm leaving in this post).

So, here's what happened when I started trying to co-ordinate the Ho's into a post for your birthday:

Email from Stan to Ho's
...Just thought seeing as we've got day 2 in the can that we could start thinking about what we might want to put in day 3's post.

Wednesday - Letter/Card - Write a birthday message to Rob, a short note, find poetry or make him a birthday card.

I'd said to Nibbles about maybe a song parody, but what about poems instead?

Happy Birthday to you
You're shagging K-Stew
You dress like a hobo
Do you smell like one too?

Ok, maybe not that one, but you get the idea.


There once was a sex-god called Rob
Who they said had a sparkly nob
The girls they did titter
When they saw the glitter
But not when it came off in their gob

Oh alright, also not suitable. Go on, do better yourselves :o)

Email from Mary to Stan:
Omg I think they're perfect!

Twi-Weasel to Stan:
What's wrong with They are utterly fab! You absolutely must put them in!!

Mary to Ho's:
Twinkle twinkle little rob
How I wonder about your knob
Rub it up and down my inner thigh
I'm pretty sure you'd make me sigh
Twinkle twinkle little rob
If all else fails you can cum in my gob

Stan to Ho's:
Rob & Kris
Went on the piss
Drinking pints of cider
Rob went down
Licked something brown
And spewed his cider inside her

Mary to Ho's:
We don't really do clean and respectful do we?

I would not want this anywhere near me!

Mary to Ho's:
Incey wincey robward pumping at his knob
In came a ho and shoved it in her gob

Mary to Ho's:
Red and yellow and pink and green
Fuck the rainbow just show us the peen!

Taste the um rainbow of his flavour hehe

Nibbles to Ho's:
PMSL oh god you 2

Nibbles to Ho's:
Happy birthday to you
* **** **** ** K Stew (RESPECTFUL PLEASE NIBS!)
I'm great at giving BJ's
and I'd shag you rotton too

TwiWeasel to Ho's:
Damn! You ho's have been busy!! *snicker* I will be expecting to see every one of these in that post.

You're right, Mary...we don't do respectful very well, do we? I think if we try to be respectful then we are just holding ourselves back and not living up to our full potential.

Just sayin.

Mary to Ho's:
I agree dani we gotta stay true to who we are. Dirty filthy ho's and proud

Nibbles to Ho's
We tried and tried er hard dammit to keep it clean but our dark sides can't er be kept in the dark lol. stand proud Edbrellas in our filth. we dirty girls must rofl together he he

Becky to Ho's:
Hickory Dickory dock
I want to suck Rob's cock
I'm headed south
It's in my mouth
Birthday BJ's rock!
BJ? You do know that's JB backwards don't you?
WHAT? My blog, my rules :oP

Note from Mary- that sneaky frigging wolf got in here again!

Nibbles to Ho's:

Sex Haired Boy-by Van Nibbleit (Stan~ PMSL @ Van Nibbleit!) More reasons (to want Rob)

Ed, where did you go?
Days when the sun came
Out came the sparkles
You were off hunting free range
Laughing and a running
Playing baseball and a jumping
From the bright sunbeams you hid
In the meadow you asked me to wed
My sex haired boy
Yes you, my sex haired boy

Oh hang on you're not Ed
You're Robert, oh well Doh!
Lets go down to the old pub
Play pool till the time goes
Hiding from the fans We're
Slipping out the back door
I'm with you Rob, I'm your ho
My sex haired boy
Yes you my sex haired boy

Do you remember ho's , when we used to sing
Oh Rob ob ob ob ob ob ob ob we want yer knob

So hard to find our way
Me, Stan and all the ho's
To your house in Barnes Rob
You left us all al-oh-own
we hid ourselves there Rob
Somewhere near your pa-ad
Hiding in the green grass
For of glimpse of you la-ad
Our sex haired boy
Of you Rob , our sex haired boy

Do you remember ho's
When I paro-dee-eed
Oh Rob ob ob ob ob ob ob ob we want yer knob

repeat lol

Note from Nikki, Mary whatever it's me!
Hmmm loving the filth poems so far. Here's another couple from this morning. I was trying to go for a limerick
there once was a boy from barnes
who had very hairy arms
he spent all day tugging his pud
it was an impressive piece of wood
i saw it on skype and now i feel gooooood

Oh Nikki/Mary you're sooo funny ;)

there once was a boy from barnes
the twi-ho's meant him no harm
but they clawed and they pawed
at the poor boys sparkly bits
now they're just left with his pics
thinking of him while they play with their clits

I got another poem...

An Ode to Robert from Nibbles

Oh Robert I'm so glad I found you
My life was a void before
Well not really a void, I exaggerate
But you get the idea I'm sure!

My days are filled with blogging
My nights unfortunately too
My marriage is nearly quite over
And all of this is down to you

So Robert I beg please hear me
I beseech, I implore, nay demand
If my hubtard decides to leave me
Can you move in and give me a hand?

I'd be ever so grateful and happy
My eyes would light up with glee
If you fancied a shag I'd oblige you
Oblige and oblige times three

Oh Robert I love and adore you
No old bag am I, no Sir-ee
Ok I'm no K-Stew but so what
The 40's the new 30's you see

So move and keep me company
I've a dog and two kids, quite a catch?!
Once you get fed up of K-Stew you will see
We're really a quite perfect match!

Note from Mary-Oh Nibbles that is beautiful hun ;)

I have another one too (Becky)......

there was a young boy from Barnes
who had really sweaty palms
they were perfectly slick
when wrapped round his dick
and when holding his two lucky charms.
Oh lookie, a nice little spot right here at the bottom for me to add my...umm...literature. Yeah, that's it. OK Girls, here is my pitiful contribution to this lovely birthday thing-a-ding-dong today. Some lovely TwiWeasel Brand Poetry...

Roses are red.
Rob's balls are hairy
Ho-Made Blow Jobs
Are so good it's scary.

I am bound and determined that boy will get a birthday Blow Job from a ho (that's not Kristen.)

And now, for your reading pleasure, a limerick...I love limericks. [Side note: I don't really like using my real name on the blogs, but there was just no way around it. Bear with me, please.]

There was a cool chick named Dani,
Who had a good friend called Stan(ee)
As they fought over Rob,
who would knob on his bob...
But Becky, her skill is uncanny!

Go Becky! If it can't be me, then I'll choose you! Why? Hell if I know!

The greatest sight I've never seen
Is Edward's shiny sparkle peen.
Is it short? Is it long?
Is there foreskin on the dong?
But the most important way I'd deem
is with a slobbery spittle sheen.

Didn't know I was so deep, did you?

And finally, a birthday haiku. (You've inspired me, Mrs. P.)

Happy Birthday, Rob.
Your hair is so sexy.
I want to touch it.

Am I talking about his hair? Hmmmm...who knows?

Just so you know, I came up with these at work. I got some funny looks sitting at my desk whispering to myself, "peen, seen, sheen..." and also while counting syllables for the haiku. I have one last thing to add...I have no idea why my portion of the posts always take up so much space. Why are they always double spaced? Whatever. I don't care.

Aaaaaaaaaaand...I'm spent. TwiWeasel out.

Oh, and Rob, if you're still reading, how about this for an idea of how you can repay us for all this fine poetry?

You know, like a real one, save us having to rely on this sort of thing ;o)

Lots of Love
Your Ho's ♥♥♥

The next stop on your blog train is My discomROBulation, take the stop to hear what Kelly has to say to Rob. Hey, maybe she'll have written him a dirty poem!

See you tomorrow for the next leg of our journey :o)

Follow the Bog Train!

Tina's Been Rob'd

It's Roblated


Tongue Twied

My discomROBulation

Take Some E

The Cold Shower

17 Forever

Twi-sted Edbrella



My Rob Addiction

Trixie and Tess Tell All

True Blood Twilight


Stacked Like Sookie said...

Well it's Thursday morning here & officially the precious' birthday. ROFL at all your poems. Yes you're right ho's, so respectful & sweet Lol!

itsjustme1217 said...


Kelly said...

You all make me laugh!!! OMG.. you'd most assuredly make him blush!

Love it!


smartEpantz said...

Clean and classy is just not your style, and you ho's did not disaapoint!

I rather think Rob will get a chuckle when he pops round...if he hasn't already. ;)

LOVED the Brown Eyed Girl parody!!!! Brilliant!


TongueTwied said...

OMBirthdayRob this was all so hilarious! I'm with E-the Sexhaired boy was genius and the hos should record that!

Anonymous said...

HOLY FUCK!!! Is there some kind of reward for the most poetry, nursery rhymes, and song remakes in one post?!?! I do not know where to begin was all so awesome!

Dangrdafne said...


There are no words, no words. I am in awe of everything in this post. Hilarious, dirty, clever, amazing, awesome... just like the women of Edbrella.

I think Rob would absolutely LOVE this post! I hope he stops by to check it out.

I love you ladies!

17foreverlisa said...

Wow!! I don't even spend that much time reading fanfic. LMAO!!

Too funny, Twi-Hos!

Happy birthday to our boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Twired Jen said...

OMG, this wins for best of the Birthday Blog far. LOVED the pic that accompanied this one..."Red and yellow and pink and green
Fuck the rainbow just show us the peen! "
xo J

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

OMG, you're insane. I'm gonna go straight out and admit I didn't read the whole fucking thing. Some people have to work, you know, pmsl.

But that doesn't mean I love you any less, and that I miss you - this bloggy bday train thingy is not as personal as your other posts, and I can't wait to get back to that.
oh go, hope no one misunderstands what I'm trying to say...


NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

I've gotta say I've totally loved working so closely with the other edbrellas on email and messenger. It's been so much fun and I think we will do it again as we bounce offa each other so well. I've been on a roll with the rhymes lol

TwiWeasel said...

@ Kelly - Making him blush...that's my goal in life.

@ Mrs. P - Of course we win the prize. We are fucking awesome, duh.

@ DD - Well, 5 heads are better than one...we bounce off of each other nicely, don't we? And I think it's Stan who actually did all the copy/paste of our convos...great job, chick!!

@ Lisa - I am honored...or something.

@ TwiredJen - I'd like to taste the rainbow if you know what I mean.

@ Jelena - we're insane...well, duh. But you wouldn't have it any other way, right?

@ Nibs - It has been an enormous pleasure *snicker* working with you hos!

TigerlilyRose said...

WOW a rainbow of fruit flavors! What a superb post my darlings! Full of the trashy goodness you girls are the best at providing! I must say, you twat waffles have been quite busy!!!

rpfangirldc said...

Oh my! You ho's are so fuckin' cheeky! I LOVE IT! There is nothing better when you stay true to yourself.

Laughing til I cry! Thanks!

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

You ain't nothin if you ain't true to yourself lol. I enjoy doing the poems and parodies good fun x

Trixie and Tess said...

The poems are hilarious. YOu girls are something else! I love the re-do on Brown Eyed Girl! LOL

I'm sure Rob will love it all! :)


Trixie and Tess said...

OH and Rob with the rainbow coming out of his pants cracks my stuff up!

Anonymous said...

Oh god girls I died laughing... Too funny.
But please for the love of fucking Rob do NEVER I mean NEVER EVER post a spider again. I am totes afraid of them and it ruined my mojo... thxkbai ;)

Anonymous said...

btw I so want to hear Rob say this now...
"Shit, it's from those crazy Edbrella Ho's. If it's rude I'm going to burn it."