Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Getting to know Mr Pantz

Ok Ho's here's a few questions you wanted to ask Mr Pantz


He has assured me he'll happily answer any more in the comments, so go for it.




are you scared yet?


Questions in Blue answers in Red

First question comes from Snarkier Than You. over to you Snarky

So Mr. Pantz recently said the following:




i have an instant argument winner for a man [to be used in an argument with a woman] that i have developed. it is fool proof but i won't reveal it here ["here" being in the comments of Twitarded]. saving it for later.



Spill it, Mr. Pantz. Inquiring Twitards want to know. Forewarned is forearmed and all that good stuff. And while you're at it, I challenge you to come up with a way for a woman to emerge victorious if faced with said fool-proof argument-winner. You can do it (even if you don't want to). May the 'tard be with you.


First off, STY, I want to say you’re a real bitch. You know exactly what you did in asking that question. So before I go any further let me say one more time. You. Are.A.Real.Bitch. J (guess you weren’t kidding when you said you were on to me, huh?) I am, however, extremely glad to report that it took me being married for 10 years before I came up with the line in the first place. So I’m pretty sure that as genius as it is, its antidote will take even longer to concoct. However, if we’re still punching each other in the arm when no one’s looking by then, I’ll gladly tell you so you can crawl out from the blanket of silence that this will put you under. Go call Mr. STY over here. It’s alright. I’ll wait…………………

The discovery of this line actually was an accident. It just popped out of my mouth but when it did it rendered E speechless so I knew I had something special. Ready? Is the anticipation killing you? Here it is. 7 Perfect Little Words.

YOU JUST LIKE TO ARGUE WITH ME.

If you need further clarification of why this is a clear winner, you can ask me in the comments. I’ll be around for awhile after the show for a more personal meet and greet. They’ve got this deli tray in the green room. That’s pretty nice. I hear there’s going to be punch and cookies. Although I’m not holding my breath this time. I’ve already been promised cookies twice this week and left empty handed. (LWE, I’m looking at you. I know that security tape was a fraud. How come the plate in your “video” is a paper plate yet the plate I saw next to you was clearly a classic Corning Ware white with green leaves around the border. HMMMMM?)


Next we have MusingBella

Mr. Pantz: Do you have any obsessions that rival our Twilight obsession? (I will think Star Wars is a cop out unless you can really delve into detail and/or compare and contrast it to Twilight...)

Is there a limit to how long you’ll let your posts get? What? Why is Stan crying… no… well I know she’s the one who has to transcribe this recording. Calm down. Alright people we need a sparkle peen over her, STAT!

Feel better? I knew you would.

To answer your question MB, yes. I do.

(yeah, I know I’m a fucker. Who do you think put the smart E in her Pantz? Next time be more specific. J Love you!)

Note from Mary-It's actually me doing this one, not Stan.


And patiently awaiting her turn is Raitz

You are home alone (the wife and kids are out of the country on safari for a couple days and unreachable), and the doorbell rings - OMG, it's Rob and Taylor!!(side note from E. as I was reading this question aloud to her she said, “Robin Taylor? Who’s that?!) They've heard there's now a male Twitard and they want to hang with you for the rest of the day before jetting off on their next promo shoot for Eclipse. What do you guys get up to on your Boys Night Out??
(side note from E. ooooooo. Manscaping!)

I’ve given this one a lot of thought. And I know I should probably say some guy shit like watch football or get a beer. But that’s kind of fucking stupid. I could do that anytime. And I don’t want to lie to you. If I had Rob and Taylor and we were hanging out for the rest of the day I WOULD TRAVEL BEHIND THEM AND CATCH ALL OF THE PUSSY THAT FLIES OFF THEIR WAKE BECAUSE I WILL PROBABLY NEVER GET THAT TYPE OF CHANCE AGAIN. Except maybe in Forks. I said that to E and she said something about pushing out her Bella shield. Don’t know WTF that means. Maybe I should read the books one of these days

Stepping up to the plate is the lovely JellyBaby

Do he and E talk the same way they type, and if so, do they have like one of those timers that chess players use to manage their turns? I'm sure I needn't say that if the answer is negative, then please elaborate, but I will anyway. :D


You know that was funny enough I’m not even going to waste time coming up with a skit here. Yes. We do. I talk like this all of the time in my daily life and It gets me into no end of RL adventures. The only difference is that here it seems like we’re polite because we have to take “turns”. IRL it gets loud.

But you know, that chess clock is actually a good idea! I mean I love you, E and when you say, “listen… just listen….” And it keeps going and going and going and I keep waiting for a break and it doesn’t come… for like 45 minutes. I mean at least I know that you should quit at 44 right before people get bored. If you can catch them at moderately annoyed instead of bored is key.

The Chess Clock would be PERFECT. Thanks for paying it forward Jelly! ;)


itching for her turn is The wease



1. Have you actually read the Twilight Saga.
If not, do you plan to?
If so, did you like it?


Yes, I plan on reading it after The Hubtard’s launch some time and blogging about it. I’ve heard so many women talk about their “first time” with reverence and awe I thought it would be fun to experience my first time with a group and allow them to vicariously relive their first time through me. And we can discuss. I LOVE discussion. *looks at audience* LOVE discussion. If I’ve got a good discussion going on, I’ll leave the post up as long as it takes to hash out. So feel free to “hang out” at my place and talk. I love when comment conversations meander and soon you’re not even anywhere near the topic of the post. Good times…I mean, that’s what I’m used to. That’s what my prior blogging experience was like. We were much more contemplative. I used to just post a single question and leave it up for a week. We would discuss and after 3 or 4 days it would get good because people have had more time to think and process. You ladies is some FAST BLOGGGY BITCHES. So if I’m not there for every post, understand I mean no disrespect. Work like 60+hrs/wk IRL


2. Why the fuck are you choosing to hang out with a bunch of Robgasmic chicks online? (Not that I'm complaining, I just don't get it.)


*jaw drops* are you serious? YOU. All of you. I’m here for all of you. I’m not really interested in Twilight. And Rob doesn’t set my loins on fire. (except neverthink. Seeeeexxxxyyyyyyyyy. Mmmmmm. Then I would love to fuck his mouth while he sings.) I’ll probably say this a hundred times more, but I will keep saying it until it sinks in. I LIKE ALL OF YOU! YOU ALL HAVE REALLY CLEVER AND WITTY SENSES OF HUMOR THAT MAKE ME LAUGH AND SEXY IMAGINATIONS THAT GET ME ALL WORKED UP. The same reasons YOU”RE here. That’s not why I came here. I came here to save my marriage. I STAYED here because the people I have met have been nothing short of amazing , ever loving, and have embraced me with nothing but open arms. At least to my face.

I love women. I think Women are the highest form on earth. In fact, my views on this are one of the reasons I got kicked out of church. You see, in the creation tale at the beginning of genesis you have god and she is making everything. She starts with simple things and as the progression continues, the forms become more complex. Eventually, according to the story, man is created from the dust of the ground. Now, in a story where everything has been building and getting better and better and more complex, from a part of the highest being available on the planet, god fashions woman. And then stops. And calls it good. ‘Nuff said.


3. Ok, this isn't actually a get to know you question...it's more of a "can you explain this" guy question: What is it about a woman in a white tank top that drives men nuts?

*jaw drops* Weeeeezz….


According to Ask Twitarded you just made God kill two kittens. How do you live with yourself? Kitten murderer.


Have you ever SEEN a woman in a white tank top? Especially when she’s not wearing a bra. And the breasts have to be real. Sorry, but fake breasts are a FUCKING WASTE OF A BREST. Imo. Unless you’re doing it after a mastectomy or something to regain your self esteem. Then I’m totally for it. But just “fake boobs” for “fake boobs” sake… Fake boobs are one of the big reasons that mainstream porn is very lacking these days. See, you got me all riled up and I promised myself I wouldn’t rant. Where was I?


Oh yesss…..


I remember.



White Tank Top.



No Bra.



For me, I love how just looking at the cotton caressing the breast says softness. It makes my cock twitch. I know just how it will feel to slide my hand lightly over the whole breast as I wait for the flesh of the nipple to tighten and firm up. And then to just lightly brush the newly hardened nipple through the fabric. Then you can move from there to some nice nibbles through the shirt. And THEN you can make her slide it up and over her breasts slowly before you take one of those firm nipples in your mouth and give it just enough soft pressure with my tongue to make a moan escape her mouth.


So… What is that, now. Like 6 different levels of sexy from a simple piece of white cloth?


I don’t know… Why do YOU think they’re sexy…;)


Pantz is off



Ok Ho's go for it



Oh and MrPantz can be found over there -------------------The Hubtard



79 comments:

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

hiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!! you may have noticed that i have an aversion to capital letters. deal with it. :)

ask me anything. i LOVE questions. i will answer them all with 100% honesty. no matter what it is. SERIOUSLY.

(side note from E: don't ask him about my obsessive chin hair plucking)

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

wow. that's cool.

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

that. is. trippy. did you do this just for me? did you do this on purpose? because it is awesome!!! i did JJ earlier last week with a white on white, but black on black is just double sexy because black is my favorite color. you are evil geniuses if somehow you could actually know how this would capture my imagination. as if this is some sort of magical black sandbox made just for me to play in. tee hee!

because right now, since it's black on black, it'll just show up as a huge field of black. and depending on whether or not it was a mistake will depend on whether it was a mistake or intentional.

if it was a mistake, then its just some wild coincidence. a happy accident.

but if it was intentional, then it would seem as if there could also possibly be two motives to that.

you could be doing it on purpose to either try to fuck with me by not having any of my words come up immediately.

or, i have been so transparent enough that you just somewhere in your subconscious knew how entranced i would be of writing a comment with "invisible ink".

you know, this is so fun i could do this for a while. but i won't i'm sure this is enough for now...sorry. *blush*

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

OMG!!!! This is AWESOME!!!!!

you have to ctrl a the text to read it!!! neon blue against a black background. fucking beautiful. fucking diabolical!!!

i don't know if this was intentional, but it is a SHITload of fun.

i'll stop now...... loves...

Stan said...

PMSL, it is like invisible ink! We can read you though, we've worked it out ;o)

Mary said...

I swear it's not my fault!! I just posted it as usual. At least I can comment now even if nobody can read it ;)

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

no, seriously... this is awesome... :)

wv - gaming - no kidding!

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

Well fuck! I wrote a really long comment, and this asshole of a ghost ate it, fucking asshole, motherfucker...

anyhow, I cannot type everything up, because I can't fucking remember what I wrote. But I did ask a question.

You said that joining the blogosphere helped save your marriage. Now, I hope neither E or you mind me asking, how exactly did Twilight blogs help save your marriage?

mr.pantz said...

@Jelena- fucking great question!!
"i'll give you the answer to that question mr.bender next saturday..."

i actually answer that very question in great detail in my babysitting post for TwiBite which is called:

Hopeless Romantic Seeks Filthy Whore.

it is actually the first post i wrote after i became an active blogger again. mrs.p took a chance on me to give me a shot and i am grateful. i remember when i wrote it about a month ago i had hoped to have garnered a little interest enough to perhaps start a little blog by the time it came out. HA!

check it out. you'll love it. and, as always, if after reading it you still have questions, feel free to ask... :)

Mary said...

In all the excitement I forgot to ask you a question!

When you first joined our little community, what did you really think of us and the goings on?

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

@Mr.Pantz - well fuck, I have to wait for the answer??? That's not fair at all, *pouts*.

mr.pantz said...

hmmm. my very FIRST impressions were that you were all very funny but that your humor was lost on me half the time because i was unfamiliar, and still am to a great extent, ignorant of things Twi. i remember thinking that you all seemed so very cool and accepting but that if i was going to earn trust i was going to have to walk in the room with my hands WAY above my head to show they were empty, wear a white t shirt for truce. hopefully, over time, i have been able to do that and hsow you that i indeed mean no harm.

although i do want to say that it has been a bumpy ride. that is another series i want to delve into. and mrs.p, in her infinite wisdom, said that perhaps it shouldn't be so public. and she's right. so, as kevin smith thanks his mentor who gave him the sage like advice to NOT end Clerks with Dante getting shot, I will not publish that post on The Hubtard.

I will howver publish it on a "private" blog for invitation only. because for the sake of art and sharing a snapshot into our marriage and the whole story, it's important to tell. deals with jealousy issues that i came face to face with and how it affected me. HRSFW - (Hopeless Romantic Seeks Filthy Whore) is actually the epilogue. It is the end of a 4 part saga. It is the beautiful puffy hearts and where this all brought us and now things are great. Wanted you all to know that part of the story up front.

The beginning of the story, however, is a bit shocking... i don't want to ruin it any more.

think of it as a "horror" movie. designed to shock and mess with your psyche. ask any one of the ladies unfortunate enough to beta it for me. it seriously fucked up their day.

but if you hold on through the whole story, it will be worth it.

(i'm just going to be wordy as fuck today. hope no one minds.

probably not going to proofread a lot either... ;) )

mr.pantz said...

@Jelena- seriously. you will thank me after you read it for not spoiling any of it. i'm not trying to brag or anything, but i'm proud of it and i want you to get the whole, pure, first time reaction to it.

c'mon girl, you know what lengths i travel to try to give you what you want... :)

don't think of it as a shoot down...
more of like a tease. the release will be sweeter, later, than if i just told you now.

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

I do remember one important thing I wrote in that comment that stupid ass blogger devoured for lunch - and it's regarding your previous experiences with blog vs. what we have here.

Most of the time we do not start lengthy discussions on the comments, because there isn't enough time in the world for that. Instead, we check out the newest post, laugh or cry, or just meh, depending on a lot of things, comment and move on. Sometimes we do come back, like I'm coming back right now, but this is more exception than a rule.

So don't feel offended or anything that a majority of us are not responding to your wordy comments - it's really nothing personal.

As for your answer to my question, I'm going to have to tell you that I feel very confused: are you posting on TwiBite or not? I don't get it now, sorry.

mr.pantz said...

@Jelena- what order should i go in, here?

i know. that's what i mean. when the posts are flying fast and furious, there IS no way to keep up and foster genuine discussion. that's cool. i get it. i'm just saying that MY shit will be a little different. we can hang. i 'll bring snacks. we can TALK. ahhhhh.... i LOVE discussion. if you're willing to listen, you can learn so much about other people and their points of view. what makes the blgging community so great for this is that you actually have to "listen" to another person's entire thought before you respond. you ahve to take turns. IRL (admit this, we're all guilty) often times when someone is speaking we aren't really listening to them we're just formulating what we want to say next and waiting for them to shut up so i can share the next thing I want to say. or maybe that's just me. ;)

well, to get as semantical as most of my favorite women, i HOPE HRSFW is getting posted on TwiBite. But ultimately, since it is in Mrs.P's hands it is u[p to her. But fromwhat I understand the post will go up while she is on vacation.

The OTHER post i am talking about is a piece i call Grab My Button. it dives with an unflinching look at a jouney i took one evening into the center of my being to eaxperience and begin acknowledging the deep seated jealousy issues i had surrounding this whole Robward obsession E was blindsided with. which in turn blindsided me. which in turn blindsided US. because her metamorphosis completely changed the dynamic of the family in an instant and it was scary and frightening for such change to come in so rapidly. it took me some time to process and talk w/E about some of my issues. but at the end of it all, i was a born again Twitardian. now E says maybe i souldn't take that name to myself since i'm not a true Twitard. but i genuinely feel in this place as if i've finally come home and am among my people. whonwould have ever thought that my people would turn out to be a bunch of foul-mouthed, foul-minded ho's from all over the globe? but once i did find you, and could truly "hear you", i fell in love. with the people, with the "place", with the culture... this place is what life should be like. if there was a town like this, filled wih people like this, where talking like this was not taboo but normal, and sharing these things wasn't risky but we could be free to be ourselves in the open, and zaavan could get kick ass medical care, i would be there in a heart beat. like NOW!

all of that to say that the post i will not be posting for public consumption is the extreme one. Grab My Button. In fact, i think that whole story, because it is such a "behind the scenes" look into our lives, might affect how you all view E and her blog after that, so i don't want just anyone to see it. if you know us and love us, by all means. it was a very important part of my healing process. and like i said, it's a story that takes place over a weekend which changed our lives and marriage irrevocably.

and now, my dear Jelena, if I were to say any more, you would have me ruining the surprise of THAT post too. Lmfao..

does that help? feel free to keep asking. this is fun for me. not bothered one bit...


wv - gratin - that's the 2nd real word i've gotten tonight.

Stan said...

Mr Pantz, have you even been to bed yet???

mr.pantz said...

no. i know. i'm getting it from all angles. and if E wasn't sleeping so soundly, sh'd be giving it to me too... LOL.

i was actually on my way tobed when Jelena's comment notification hit my inbox. i know she is MUCH father into tomorrow on the world time scale and wanted to get to her stuff before i went to sleep and woke up tomorrow. (tomorrow's my day to sleep in, WOOO HOOO!!!! Mr.Pantz needs some "me" time every once in a while and that usually means staying up late. kids are sleeping, E is sleeping. mmmmmmmm. quiet living room all to myself...

she says she's finalizing her response. as soon as it pops, i'll read it and head to bed. promise... :)

i don't know about you, but sometimes i find that infusing myself with joyful playtime is as refreshing or even MORE refreshing than sleep. ever been despressed? loads of sleep. no energy. no joy.

just trying to find the balance. i'll get it figured out. just got 2 new stores added to my load at work totalling 9 so i have to make some time sacrifices until i can get it figured out.

have i filibustered long enough? :)

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you were going to go all verbal tonight.

I don't want to know anything about E that she doesn't want me to know. That's kind of how we roll here. We don't ask of each other more than we're willing to give.

However, it saddens me that this Robsession has gotten in between the two of you, even for a short while. See, that's the catch - I'm sure most our spouses would flip out if they actually saw some of the things we right here, but 99% of what we write is pure fun and jokes and it's not serious. You've read Starlit Violets' blog post about Rob, well, I think majority of us feel that way. Even if we do crush on certain celebrities, we channel it towards our spouses. I get this is all weird, and it would take A LOT of analysis to get to the bottom of things, which is why we don't understand it most of the time.

It's not that we don't love our husbands or anything. Far from it. But the blogosphere is sort of a safe house for us - where we can say a whole bunch of shit, pull things from our ass, and still not be judged. We learn not just about ourselves, but about it each other. It's very hard to explain to a man, even if you do understand. My husband understands. I'm sure Mrs.P.'s husband understands. They look at us and see that we are happier women because of this Twilight saga, that we seemed to have found ourselves, and they don't want to take it away from us, because ultimately, it's they who benefit from it (and I'm not just talking about fan fiction).

I could go on about this in quite some detail, but it's late, I'm at work, you're waiting to read this, and let's leave something for when that TwiBite babysitting post pops up, ok?

Rest dude.

mr.pantz said...

*cramming fists in mouth...fighting urge to speak and just go to bed...*

mmhmmhmhm

hmhmmhmhmmhmhmh

hmmhmhmmmhmhmmmhmhmhmhmhmhmh

aughhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

i can't do it. this is where it gets dicy. because i KNOW that it's all fun and games. but there is another side where, at least for me, i was like - "i like those kind of fun and games...how can i get some of that?"

so if you ARE going to write these sorts of smexi things for fun and games (and once again, issues dealt with, HUGE FAN NOW) it is important to be clear with your man exactly where he ranks in comparisson to the language that you use in your posts. or in your everyday life. because if our world starts getting swallowed up by super sexed up comments and HIS FACE all over your world, with not as many smexicomments coming from the same woman, and not as many pictures of your own face plastered arond your world, it can make you start feeling a little bit like the "other man" in your own relationship. dig? i don't want this to break the fantasy. it's super fun!!!! but i needed clear communication that i indeed was still bher #1 although from all "public blogging appeearances" it might not seem so.

does that make sense? not trying to fuck up anyone's day or be depressing!!! it was just a very real issue for me, and i'm going to bet, probably a very real issue for at least one other husband out there somewhere. just make sure your man knows he is your real love. make SURE he understands where the line actually is. once i did, it was AAAALLLLLL good.

because i know that even if rob tried, he really couldn't do the things to E that I can. i mean shit. we've know each other for 15 years now. i have applied my ridiculous attention to detail to learning every nook and cranny and spt on her body untkil now i can play her like a fine instrument. which she is...

love her.

she's the shit.

enough. off to bed. i'll answer more Q's tomorrow!

g'nite for now Edbrella!

Thanks for going "deeper" in the comments with me Jelena. this was fun!

wv - mittens - ok. this is kid of starting to creep me out. that's 3.

Stan said...

I'm responding to this, just need to do something....brb!

Stan said...

Ok, number of pics of Rob visible in my house - 17.

Number of pics of Mr Stan - 0

ROFL!!!

Snarkier Than You said...

How could I NOT ask THAT question?! Seriously - it HAD to be asked, and this opportunity just happened to come along at the right time, sooooo - who am to not go with it???

: )

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Pantz dude, seriously you have lost me in your comments? Confused is not the word bro!

Ok my question-do you feel you have changed the dynamics of the twi blogs because you are a man. In that you are perhaps making women think about what they post, before they post it. After all you are a man despite being so called accepted into the female world?

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

My husband knows this is all fun and games, he knows I love him, want him, I've never let it take over my life. I have a balance. I don't spend all my time on the computer or whatever, I don't bring Rob up between us except to joke. He is confident in himself as a man to know that no 24 yr old is gonna whisk me away and take his place. Thats rediculous. It is fantasy, nothing more or less. So no need for jealousy. If you're not confident in yourself as a man to let this irk you then I suggest the men that let it cause problems discuss rationally than honey you're spending too much time on the computer and ignoring the family. Not say you're gonna run off with a 24 year old and I hate him.
Maybe people just need to gain more balance in their lives...just saying

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

Pantz, I hear what you're saying, but, that really has nothing to do with us. That story is between you and E, and it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable seeing it all dragged out in public.

What we do here is essentially this (except for having fun): we're using this Twilight saga to be creative. We test the limits of ourselves. We don't always mean everything that we right - we may mean it in that moment, but we allow each other to change. We take power. Basically, we define ourselves.

I love the question Nibbles asked you, because that would've been my next question to you as well.

I hope you rest, because I can totally see this whole interview thing taking a toll on you.

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

I nitice you talk about a town filled with people like this, talking like this but that town would be filled with women who only talk like this because its other women. Do you not feel you would change that dynamic and hello if we all lived together at somepoint there would be a blood bath because a whole group of women cannot live together without getting bitchy!
I dunno bro I kinda feel that maybe your pushing for a utopia that doesn't really exist. You're a lone male and sometimes that will not "sit" well with others. Yes some want your point of view but I'm sure there are others who came here because it is all women and they can say whatever they want because women just "get it" do you understand?

TongueTwied said...

So you are smoking a cigarette in your AVI? I guess because it is so small usually I always thought you were flipping us off.

E throwing out her Bella shield--THAT's FUNNY!

White cotton tshirts? Bella wears one and possibly even braless in BD if that gives you something to look forward to with reading!

mr pantz, this was a fun session as always from you full of laughs. I'm disappointed in one thing from you, though. And I say this not in any way to offend because I think we're past all the evasiveness. (see E for twilight reference)

As you are now a card-carrying memeber and representative of this group, I expected more from you if you were going to be hanging out with Rob and Taylor than just a typical male penis-driven response. That is, at the very least say you would get autographs and pictures for E and your bloggy b*tches, perhaps even ask Rob to leave his clothes behind for E to bask in his scent, and at most kiss and fondle them and report back to us everything about their lips, tongue, touch, etc before you go revel in the trail of p*ssy.

Do you chain smoke?

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

TT that is kinda gross wanting Pantz to fondle Rob & the Tay Tay lol

Musing Bella said...

Jesus fucking Christ. Alright ASSHOLE, so here's my follow up question: what is your obsession that so rivals our group Twilight obsession? Please explain in detail, including how long you have been obsessed, how you got obsessed, and whether you're involved in a community that shares this obsession. Same note about Star Wars. kthx. I'll be back later to read all of these goddamn comments. You think *I* wrote book the other day? Unbelievable.

w/v: "tedole" Go cram it up your tedole.
Love you. :) MWAH!

Stoney said...

LMFAO...the direction of this comment thread is making me laugh.

I can tell all of the ladies with 100% certainty that Mr. Pantz *hi smexi face* is a woman in a man's body. He thinks like us, he talks like us, he has the same concerns we do...he UNDERSTANDS us...even if he does have one of those pesky penises. So I can promise his presence wouldn't change much in Twitarded Utopia (dreaming is fun isn't it? I love it...it's like fanfiction in my head).

I loved these questions, and the answers. Good job Sir Pantz.

Do you think my husband would start getting upset if I started hanging up your photo all over the house?

"Who is this dude?"

"He's from Twilight."

"I've never seen him in the movies."

"*sigh* He's from Twitardia...you wouldn't understand."

Very odd about your real word VW's. Finikki an I think that the VW's are like little fortune cookies...or psychic even. Sometimes they just go right along with what you are posting...good times.

PFL!!!!

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Ok you just said you're not really that interested in twilight?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why the bloody hell are you here then bro, in a twilight based world? That has just confused me so much. Ok you were interested in what E was obsessing about but then surely you should have gone Meh and off you jolly well went. Dude...bro you're hanging around with a load of women listening to us whine and bitch and confess our deepest inner most desires for some guys in some films and books and you aren't really THAT interested in it. Thats what drives us to come and blog and comment...hmmm...you really have confused me now as to why you would want to continue being in twitardia. I understand how you have come to like some of us and want to get to know us but I still don't get it. I'm not wanting to come off all, well this is a WOMANS thing as I'm sure there maybe some guys who are interested in the actual books & films...I'm really kinda lost as to why you want to be here now you have said that.
If I've upset anyone I'm truly sorry but these blogs are here for us to comment and say what we feel aren't they?! We all came to do this because of our love for Twilight, I'm sure I wouldn't have bothered if I wasn't that interested in it...really, really confused now

Stoney said...

Wow go Nibs for the open honesty!

That was hardcore awesome.

I also thought it was strange Mr. Pantz dislikes Twilight so much but he still wants to hang with us. But we are pretty dang awesome..I would want to hang out with us too...to be totally honest.

It's like when I hang out with my motorcycle and car guys. I may not have any clue what they are talking about..but I love them, I love hanging out with them, I have a great time when I'm with them. They actually make me pretty happy. We have similar interests. I don't think that's weird, but maybe I'm a nutter like that.

Either way...good conversation. I like it...continue.

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

*yawn...stretch...* good morning. er, afternoon. :)

"calm down...you're being very un-dude right now..."

"calmer than you are..."


let's stop for a second. take a deep breath. *breath in...exhale...ffffffffffffffff* better?

let me establish some tone here. this is obviosuly not the tone or forte of these particular blogs. so understand. it is all love from here all of the time. ok? seriously. if you don't like what i am saying, i can understand. everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings. i am not pointing fingers at anyone here. i'm not pointing fingers period. i am simply talking. sharing. i thought that's what you wanted! :)

i promised you i would be completely honest so that you could get to know me better. and, in all truth, since this IS fantasy, then know that my bloggy persona, while an accurate depiction of myself, is not the WHOLE of myself. i think other things. i feel other things. as i am sure we all do.

i hope it is not uncomfortable for me to be so real with you. hopefully it will be enough for me to say that as i type this, i have a HUGE smile on my face and a heart filled with love for everyone here. and that this singular event taht happened in my life was very real but it is something past. it is over. i feel it no longer. i would like to be able to report that we handled things better and that we were more communicative with each other about it from the beginning, but like i said, it blidsided us both and we weren't quite prepared for it. but once the feelings were confronted and dealt with, IT OPENED UP A HUGE HOLE IN THE CLOUDS TO LET IN THE SUNSHINE ONTO A DEPRESSION THAT HAD BEEN CLAIMING ME FOR 4 YEARS!!!!! i would hope that instead of feeling you all with dread and "mama bear" feelings for E (which, btw the way, makes my heart melt even more. to know that there are women out there who love my wife enough to come down here and anally rape me with a tree branch if i should ever even come close to hurting her... i feel the same way about her. you ladies, once again, are the proverbial shit!)

i am sorry if my honest responses stir something unpleasant. that is not my intention. i am not trying to bring anyone face-to-face with anything. i am simply sharing myself and am experience tat i had with you. if you don't want to know, then don't ask. but if you do want to know, then at least please give me room to share my answers with you without fear. i need that. (hell, we ALL need that kind of space.)

i had an experience in the recent past that threatened my marriage. since my RL is consumed with employees who i can't be very personal with, i have always, in the past, used blogging as my opportunity to have an outlet for sharing myself with people. and when i approach a relationship with someone, i want it to be more than superficial fluff. if you have people IRL that you can share these parts of yourself with on a regular basis, good for you!!! i however do not. in taking the quantum promotion i did at work it put all of my friends out of reach. you can't hang around and smoke a j with your employees. YOU JUST CAN'T. no matter how much it breaks my heart and i might want to. i need to have that separation in order to be successful and be taken seriously.

*puase so this one doesn't get too long...i am still typing down below...to be continued*

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

(thank you, Stoney! the fact that you would come here today...with everything...won't say too uch but fucking thank you. it's THAT kind of selfless concern and love that has me addicted to you ladies. WHY IS THIS DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND?! Lmfao!!)

so this leads me back to talking about my former experiences in the bloggy world. what i loved about my old neighborhood is that i could say ANYTHING. we could say ANYTHING to one another. nothing was too real. if someone was totally beat up and raw and broken after a bad day, week, month, year, 8 years, whatever.... they had the fredom to come and be naked about their brokenness and instead of finding consternation, they would be met with love and acceptance. if i have misread you ladies, or perhaps if that kind of openness and acceptance is limited to other women or Twi-hards only, then you should put up a sign. not being a dick! once again, understand my tone. playful. FUN!!! (wheee!!!!) but seriously. take a look at your disclaimer if you have one. almost across the board they say "please don't come around here if you are under 18, easily offended, or are a hater." well, ladies, i meet all of the requirements. if you would also like the requirements to read, "please also be a woman, and please be obsessed with twilight and all twilight related products and celebrities, and please no penises or viewpoints that are mostly superficial and don't revovlve anround any RL issues that are heavy, then please...

SAY SO!!! i won't be offended. it's all good. i won't be upset. i love you all enough to respect your wishes. E just loved you all so much and wanted to share you with me because we share EVERYTHING with one another. just how it is. that's what we're like. she knew how much of a toll not blogging was having on me and was encouraging me DAILY to come and sit and get to know you all. i'm not bum rushing anything here. she WANTED me here and kept asking me for it. she WANTED me to come and meet all of the ladies that bring her so much joy so regularly. so i came. i came and i felt weird and awkward and all shades of "what the hell am i doing here? nobody really gives a shit about me and what i have to say" and then there came The Moment.

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

The Moment is Part 2 of the story. it is not the ascent up into light, it is a skyrocket into the light. one of your own reached down to me and offered me a hand, a lifeline, and pulled me out of the pit i was sinking in.

it is not a pit of Rob obsession, that was just a final thing atthe end of a very long road for me that began 4 years ago with my ebing kicked out of a church for loving too much and asking too many questions about why we chain peoplewith guilt when we are supposed to be about loving people adn freig them from chains---why would we heap more onto them and then tell them it's their fault? EVIL, evil evil, dirty nasty horrible filth! i hope those lies sink down into the depths and one day vanish forever. amen.

i know you don't know all of this, and i'm sure that the more i talk the LESS of a fantasy I am painting. but I'm not a fantasy. i am a real person. do i like fantasy? HELL YES!!! (another reason i got kicked out of church. i said that sharing porn with my wife had actually helped us to have healthy healing conversations about our levels ofi intimacy and baggage that we both came into the relationship with and eventually, as a result, were set free to enjoy one another without guilt.)

so what can i say at this point? i hope this clarifies enough. just know that i love you all. if me being this intense personality and being who i am naked and unashamed is too much just say so. it's all good. i can go back to playing video games for hours on end and living joyously with all of you vicariously through E.

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

OH! and you also wondered if i think i have changed the group? i would have to say yes. if at the very least there are more mentions of the fact that i follow along. (even you Nibs, yesterday, said in your post, which was beautiful btw, "The Hubtard (my hubtard)..." and i got the biggest smile. because you would not have said that 2 months ago. you just would have said, The Hubtard. so i suppose there are 2 different ways you can look at this.

i'm some sort of douche and you HAVE to say things like that to keep me happy and alter yourself for me. OR it can melt my heart that you would think of me and amke sure to slightly alter your language in order to open your arms and your heart to include me.

i had assumed the latter was going on and simply ran headfirst into this group with that firmly implanted in my heart. if it is not the case, please don't keep it from me any longer. if you want me to go or stop talking i will. i love you all enough to let go of this so you can go back to the wronderful fantasy world you had before i showed up.

but, as a last exampe of my heart and how i feel... i believe i have found a group of people who just love one another unconditionally. at least, in the circles i have walked in for this short period of time, give off that impression. there arent' any communities of people like that IRL near me (except some sort of church) but in curch you can't sit around and tell sexual jokes or stories to one another. and i like taht. A LOT. i am a very sexual man and am comfortable with my sexuality now (see 4 year ago porn discussion w/E referenced above) and i liek sharing that with others. it helps me feel alive and connected to share something so intimate with others.

so, in case you have forgotten, here is my heart. here is how i feel about all of you put together in a single post. (not becuase it delas with all of you, but because that is how wide and deep the love is for ALL of you in the Pantz household. please, i am a vulnerable dude. i meant this with ever fiber of my being and there was NOTHING disingenuine about it.

remember this?

i think, at the end of the day, this is not an uncommon scenario that we went through. but we came out the other side better than ever. we came out the other side HEALED. i am excited about that. and hope that if sharing our experience even ONE MARRIAGE can be healed to the blissful level that our has in such a quick period of time, then i will take the flack from the rest and call it good.

i love you all that much. :)

(and now, in good bloggy fashion, it is your proverbial "turn." i am still smiling and i still love you all. i can't help it. even if i leave, i will still love you!!!)

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

be back later to address the rest... not forgetting about you STY, TT, or MB! but i've blathered enough for now...i promise i WILL be back after some lunch and will get to your questions. once again, in it for the long haul here. :)

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

i also like movies and music... found out i'm pretty good at writing lemons this week... ;)

we don't have to keep talking about this if you don't want to...

MWAH!!!!

wv - unsur - seriously... freaky... :)

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Ok I know you're saying this is fun but it's not. We have supported each other in our own way for a good while without it getting all angsty and weird. The blogs are fun and light hearted and about TWILIGHT! It just seems youre trying to turn it into something it's not sometimes. We don't always come her for serious discussion and when we want to blog about something that is not twilightish then it's kept to whosever blog started it. often we don't want deep discussion. We are not a therapy group even though we joke that it's like therapy. I don't wanna say dude you're not wanted or anything but sometimes it's too much.
E is E and is never backward in coming forward and I can understand you missing blogging but to hang in an all women group without having any interest in the subject (however frivolous) just I dunno man. I dunno

Jelena @ Twiholic said...

Um... look, Mr.Pantz, I debated myself whether to post or just leave things be, but you have put too much effort for all to go ignored.

Whatever I write, know that this is my own, and just my own opinion. No one else's. It's crucial that you understand this.

I think you've idealized us. We are a lot of the things you say, but a lot of them we aren't. Yes there is love, but it came gradually. We are accepting of each other, and are caring, but we are not as intense as you may think we are. I personally have a difficulty reciprocating such amount of positive words and affection toward you, because it just doesn't feel natural. I do love, and do get easily attached to people, but I like to keep things real as well. This is not all fantasy, like you said.

I have but one thing that needs to be urgently addressed, and that's that you blended us all - we are womEn - each of us with a different personality, our own dreams, our own goals - we are not all the same. We may share our Twilight obsession, and we may blog, but we are all separate beings. You speak to us as if we were this one entity. That is why I said at the beginning that you need to realize that what I'm posting here is MY OWN personal opinion, I don't speak for everyone else. Nor does Nibbles - no matter how vocal she is.

It is not required that you love the Twilight saga, but that IS what we talk about here most of the time. It is not required that you're a woman either.

I could've just let all this slide, completely ignored your post, or not even cared enough to come back to read what you wrote, but I did, because I understand that you are a person, and I understand that you are vulnerable, which is why I decided you deserve to be answered and treated properly.

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Bravo jelly you have put that way better than I could have. I tend to just go blah. I don't want to offend anyone and as jells said these are our Individual opinions

Stan said...

Oh Kristen, with your bitchbrow stare,
Your sweet green eyes,
Your long brown hair.
The mullet has, thank God, departed
But your face still looks like someone farted.
When you lie in bed with Rob
And reach out for the RPattz nob
Slip it where you know it goes
And give him one from all us ho's

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

Pmsfl Stan you slay me girl!

smartEpantz said...

Whhhaaaaaaaaaaaa the fuck???
I am a bit gobsmacked after all that reading!!!

I am not quite sure where to start...so I'll just start.

Um, is it a total cop out to say that I see all sides of this crazy little rubik's cube?

Cuz I do! Having known mr.pantz for 15yrs I have no trouble seeing exactly where he's coming from, and am fully used to the unholy amounts of verbage and emo that he spews. I know he can be confusing.
He simply cuts straight to the quick of shit and tends to leave people in different shape then when he found them. In a good way.
I love him dearly, and appreciate his need to be completely honest and open.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttt........

I agree that this is prooooooooobably not the best venue or forum to open your gut and let your intestines ooze blood and excrement all over the floor.

It makes for a slippery mess.

Having said that, I'll follow with this: When mr.pantz first busted on the scene I gave him one warning. I believe I said these exact words "If you do ANYTHING to FUCK up my relationship with these people that I have grown to love, and who have accepted me as one of thier own, I WILL HAVE YOUR NUTS ON A FUCKING PLATTER."

Yeah, I believe that's what I said.

So, it seems as though I will be having a lovely meal of roasted nuts. On a big sparkly platter.

I'm stunned. I love all you ho's for who you are and am uplifted daily by how much support and acceptance and just plain fucking sillyness that you bring to my life. I'm not willing to sit by and watch you squirm because there is an uncomfortable presence in a place that is meant to be a fun escape and outlet for my twi-crazed brain.

Mr.Pantz knows I love him and would take a fucking bullet for him in RL. But I feel fiercely loyal to all my fellow twi-bitches so I'll kindly excuse mr.pantz.

I hope to fuck that we can just clean this mess up and move on.

*runs to get bleach*

I'll clean it up!

*scrubs floor*


See??? All clean and shiny!!!

Now, where was I?? Oh right, I love you all with the heat of a pack of wolves. That's alot. I hope you won't hold anything against me (<------paranoid) and I'll just continue on being my foulmouthed silly self...K?

Now bring on the fucking fun dammitt!!!!!

I give you all big wet kisses, with or without tongue...your call!

xoxo
E

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

I know a neat party trick,
It doesn't involved a stick,
You get a photo of Charlie,
And a mustache that's gnarly,
And play pin the stache on his lip.

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

E I knew I thought you were cool as shit for a reason. I gotta go to bed now.as it goes for me I'm cool x night twatwaffles x

Becky said...

is it 'lighten the mood with limericks' time? lol.

Stan said...

Hmmm, Becky. I challenge you to compose an ode toooooo *taps fingers on lips thoughtfully* Billy Black ;o)

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Why, yes it is Becky! Try your hand at it!

Becky said...

hang on, will do Billy in a mo, just thought of this one...

The Sparkly one has cut his hair
I liked it long, but I don't care
As long as there's enough to pull
when he slips me a length til i am full!

Stan said...

*APPLAUSE* PMSL Becky! Fab :o)

Becky said...

*bows* thank you!

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

Brilliant Becky...brilliant!!!

Becky said...

Billy Black then, here goes, lol....

The chief of the tribe is Billy Black
He likes a girl with an awesome rack
He doesn't think that much of Bella
She has a chest just like a Fella

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

ROFLMAO!!!!! Woohoo Becky!!!

Stan said...

LMAO! Fantastic!

Becky said...

I am on a roll, lol!

Stan said...

Go on Becky, do another. Erm, Carlisle?

Becky said...

@Stan you should do one for Jake.

Becky said...

Carlisle Cullen is the sexy Doc
Everybody want his cock
All you Ho's can get in line
That piece of ass is fucking mine!

Stan said...

PMSL, Becky, you're too genius, I can't post mine next to yours lol!

Becky said...

Rubbish @Stan. Post it already! lol.

Stan said...

Jacob Black
Oh come and nuzzle
In my neck
Not with your muzzle.
Actually it might be better
Than your human nose,
Though slightly wetter

Becky said...

Rofl! Fab!

See that wasn't so hard.... (erm..to post I mean)

Stan said...

Now I spose this was the subject matter you were expecting really ;o)

Taycob's nails are really manky
They'd put me right off hanky panky
I'd be ok if I closed my eyes
Til I felt them inching up my thighs

*looks at watch* isn't it beaver time yet?

Becky said...

PMSL! Yes, thats what I was expecting!!

mm I could do with some hot locker room sex before bed!

Stan said...

Oh, God yes! I'd forgotten where it was up to :oD

Stan said...

Message from Nibs:

Robert with your sparkle peen
Thoughts aren't crude
They're plain obscene
I'd like to tie you to my bed
I do it nightly in my head
I'd shag you senseless
Yes I would
Please invite Jackson if you could
When you're both tired
As tired can be
Go get Kellan
I'll take on three
Yes Imma ho
Oh yes I am
I'll keep at it
As long as I can

I can't get to the computer, loving your rhymes ladies x

Stan said...

Oh, Nibs's poem was comment no 69, no surprises there ;o)

Becky said...

She is soo good at that! I am in awe, lol.

Musing Bella said...

OME - I love the poems. @Becky - you're a genius!! ROFL at the Billy Black one in particular!!

Jayla said...

Gawd, the shyt I miss while I am away.

@Mr Pantz: You're just so darn lovable!!! The white tank top- dayum. You've got to include that in CFF.

@SmartE: Thanks for letting him play with us- he's soooo amusing.

Living with Edward said...

Looky here cookie man! The tape is not a fraud! I don't recall seeing any corningware. I think you brought the corningware after. You seem to be very familiar with this plate seeing the great description you gave of it. And Starlitviolets herself blamed her own mini Edward and let mine off the hook. So before you go throwing around blame to innocent supportive of you bloggers, you should get your facts straight, bub!

Ps. I puffy heart you.

After reading through these comments and seeing what is said about whether or not you are in the right place to be doing what you like to do, I think where ever someone is accepted is the right place to be. I'll explain what I mean.

You are a non Twi fan amongst a group of Twi lovers, but you do get a lot of support from a decent amount of the bloggers and followers here. If they like what you have to say, then they will listen and respond. If they don't like what you have to say, they have the choice to not be involved and let you be. We have a choice of who we listen to and converse with and become close to and we don't need to have the exact same interests to be heard by eachother. A perfect example of this is me in highschool. I had a lot of friends that were "Bandos" what we called kids in the marching band. I wasn't a part of the band, and didn't play anything. So I didn't have that one important thing in common with them that they all got to discuss together. But I had a lot of other things to connect with some of them to support a good relationship. It is the same here. We converse with people that we can connect to.

I truly believe that it's not Twilight holds this group together. Twilight is not the glue here. Humans are not meant to bond over a thing, but shared emotions and traits in personalities. Twilight may have brought us all to meet, but isn't what keeps all these relationships going. The personal connections that we have found with eachother, such as a similar sense of humor, similar points of view, a shoulder to lean on, someone to give us good advice, or someone who just is good at entertaining, these are the things that keep us coming back. Twiligh is just the instigator, not the glue. So, to me, you are the emo kid amongst the group of Bandos, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you find connections, then you have accomplished what blogging is about.

NibbleitPattinsonakaNebilet said...

I focussed on the twi thing because I don't like to upset ppl and I don't like to offend ppl. However it must be said that there are ho's that don't want a sausage in the pan so to speak.
Not everyone is universally accepted, I know I must piss a lot of ppl off, that's ok! But to come into somewhere and subtly start to change the dynamics of it is not right. Yes we support each other but not in a let's all sit and discuss it in detail way. It all started to become like a therapy group and the fun wasn't so much fun anymore. This is not all my pov. I am just a mouthy bitch who got passed a ball and ran. I hope this is over now. It's all too ack for me!

that's Mr. Pantz to you said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
that's Mr. Pantz to you said...

@Jayla & LWE- thank you. :)

*mr.pantz watched the ladies talking contentedly in front of the fire sharing glasses of wine and dirty limericks. laughing the cares of the day away amidst the sound of clinking glasses. he smiled to himself and turned. "at least i know that tonight she is safe. for the first time in 8 years she is safe. and for the first time in 4 years both she and her daughter are safe. she can sleep tonight with this thought firmly implanted in her heart - 'never again will we have to live in fear.' and that has made it all worthwhile."

he headed back up the dirt road that would lead to his little place. it still had so much work left to be done. now that his task was complete perhaps he would begin that work.

and if they ever wanted to drop by he hoped they knew his door was always open. probably find a truffle or two somewhere. it's always important to keep chocolate on hand since you never know who may be stopping by.

as he reflected on the past 6 weeks suddenly in his heart he knew:

if they wanted to come and sit and listen, they would
if they wanted to follow, they would follow
if they wanted to laugh, they would laugh
if they wanted to dream, they would dream
if they wanted to share, they would share
if they wanted to cry, they would cry
if they wanted to stop by, they would always be welcome.

as he reached the top of his foolhill he stopped and glanced back over his shoulder at the smoke rising from the various chimneys and again, he couldn't help but smile.

"rest well tonight ladies. thank you for everything."

and with that he entered his home and closed the door. ready, finally, his work for the moment near complete, to rest his weary head and see what tomorrow would bring...*



pantz is off

Mary said...

Well I can honestly say that went off in a lot of directions I didn't expect it to!

Who wants to go next?????????????????

Stan said...

Ok, I hate conflict as you might have noticed from by silence and subsequent random poetry insertion. I'm saying no more on the subject, onwards and upwards and all that.

Mary, you write us a ditty about Mike Newton while I set up the CFF ;o)

smartEpantz said...

Not it!!

*runs away*

xoxo
E

vw: lessona...hmmmm.....
maybe there's a lessona to be learned here...don't ask for what you can't handle.