Tuesday, 27 October 2009

While Stan’s away, TwiWeasel will play…

OK, let me begin by saying that this is my first ever attempt at writing for a blog…doing more than just posting comments, I mean. Anyone can do that, and anyone does. I do, frequently, ‘nuff said. But Stan’s off enjoying herself in Wales, where they apparently don’t use vowels, and has handed me the hypothetical keys to her blog. For some reason, the crazy bitch trusts me not to fuck this thing up. *gulp*

So I thought, what can I write about? What hasn’t been written about a gazillion times before? What is something new and fresh and fun? And you know what I came up with? Not a freakin’ thing, that’s what.

Then I thought about a chat I had with Stan shortly before she left, and shortly after she asked if I would like to baby sit her blog. We were discussing possible blog ideas for while she was gone, and she had told me, “I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” Gee, thanks. No pressure or anything. That was when I told her that maybe I would just copy and paste our discussion into blogger, and that would be good enough for a post. I mean, we talk about some weird shit, let me tell ya, and I figured it would be entertaining enough.

No, I’m not actually going to paste our totally goofball chat here for everyone to read…first off, I didn’t save it, and second off, a lot of it would probably not make sense to anyone other than Stan and me. (Except Mary, of course. For some reason, she totally gets me.) Anyhoo, the point is, our conversations tend to be all over the map, and it gave me an idea...I will (briefly) examine how much I have changed since becoming a Twitard.

Let me backpedal just a little first…I’m fairly new to the Twi-World. I mean, I had never even heard of Twilight…at all…until my oldest daughter (eight years old, at the time) bought the movie for herself with her left-over Christmas money. That was probably mid-April. I watched it with her, and I have to say, I was unimpressed. I asked my daughter, “who’s that boy playing Edward? He’s kinda familiar…oh, he’s the boy who played Cedric Diggory. Cool.”

Cedric Diggory

And Twilight was promptly forgotten...until the beginning of May, when my darling daughter (remember to read this like a whiny, angst ridden pre-tween) just HAD to have the book Twilight, or she would DIE!! I told her that I would buy it for her, but I would read it first. After all, I had seen the movie, and while it was pretty tame, I realize that books usually go into a lot more detail than the movie. She agreed, I bought the book for her…and the rest, as they say, is history. I was hooked by page three.

So now, here I sit, six months after being introduced to Twilight…a completely different woman. One who may still be unimpressed by the movie, but for some reason, cannot get enough of it…One who no longer looks at Robert Pattinson as the boy who played Cedric Diggory (or as merely a boy, for that matter)…One who has conversations that go something like this:

“You know what I learned from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?”
“No, what.”
“I would totally consider Necrophilia.”
(By the way, my contribution was the “no, what?” part.)

For some reason, the thought of Necrophilia and Robert Pattinson, isn’t so gross…is it? Please don’t answer that. I may have mentioned in that same conversation that I would walk a mile over broken glass in my bare feet, just to the lick the place where he sat. I also may or may not have been kidding. I have a Rob Porn file. I have pictures of Mr. Pattinson hung up in my laundry room (inside the cabinet doors so Mr. TwiWeasel doesn’t get too jealous.) I have a beautiful picture of Rob as my desktop background at work. I used to come home for lunch and read a book while I ate, now I come home and read Fan Fiction while I eat. Which reminds me of an e-mail I received the other day. It was full of angst, (much as my life is if I can't get my daily dose to PattinPorn.)


WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I SWEAR I thought the Office was a completed story!!


Oh my CHRIST! I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach! Can't.breathe.

Yep, I totally understood how she felt. I felt the same way when I read it…hope this picture helps to get you through your angst while you wait.


Where was I going with this...oh yes, the point is, my life now centers on all things Twilight. And by Twilight, I mean Rob Pattinson. And by Rob Pattinson, I mean sex. *sigh* What have I gotten myself into? By simply trying to protect my innocent little girl, I have become a…a…TWI-WHORE!!! (And I’m damn proud of it.)

Oh, and by the way, Stan...I hope I didn't disappoint you (too much.) Miss you.


Z Any Mouse said...

@Twiweasel - I may have to steal your idea of pasting Rob photos inside the laundry room cabinets. Great idea! Mr Any Mouse would NEVER see them there, and I get eye rolling and sighs every time RPattz' name comes up. I wish, wish, wish I could have a KitchenRob corner like Stan does, but I would be exiled to Siberia if I dared. Necrophilia with Rob? Hmmm, I might...

Anonymous said...

An intro to who you are & how you got into Rob, um I mean Twilight was a nice. Always a good thing to get to know fellow bloggers.

I know what you mean about the Office. The last two chapters were like a kick in the gut when they posted. I was very distraught about that last one. Even my hubby wasn't to happy when I finished reading the last chapter to him. He enjoys anything with smut, but doesn't LIVE Twilight like I do.

Come visit me sometime at spooninginforks.blogspot.com

Twichotic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Twichotic said...

I had to delete my comment - way too many typos. I must have been hyperventilating from the hot Rob picture! I'll try again...
Bravo! Fabulous blog! Perhaps my favorite line -- "By simply trying to protect my innocent little girl, I have become a…a…TWI-WHORE!!!" Hee, hee. We've all become Twiwhores indeed!

Oh and thank you! That picutre will definitely calm my angst as we wait impatiently for the next chapter of the Office! *wink* That by far is one of my favorite RPattz pictures!!! Those eyes! I actually have it taped to my cabinet at work where no one can see it but me... I often turn around to wink at him and he calms any anxieties I may have throughout the day. *sigh*

Meg said...

I've often wondered what kind of trouble I would get into if someone read my chats/text messages out of context (or in context, if we're really being honest here). Meh...I kinda don't care anymore. Example:

Best Friend: What are we doing tonight?
Meg: Rob?
Best Friend: Not YOU! We!
Meg: Oh. Um, getting effed up?
Best Friend: Word!
Meg: Rob's the word!

Normal conversation. I love it! ;)

Mary said...

Message from Stan :)

She says to let you all know she's fine and even though she's got her mobile internet sorted the writing is too big to read it properly but she thought she saw the word necrophilia on her blog.

Oops then Twiweasel PMSL

Z Any Mouse said...

@Mary - LOL. I'm sure Stan is going through Blogger Withdrawal.

TwiWeasel said...

@ Z Any Mouse – Steal away, but the idea wasn’t mine. I stole it from Stan…well, I adapted it, anyway. She has a wonderful Rob Corner in her kitchen. Mr. TwiWeasel actually did ask me if I wanted to decorate a corner of the kitchen when he saw my pix in the laundry room, but I’m pretty sure he was joking.

@ TwitardedMom – I’m always interested to find out how folks got into Twilight so I thought I’d give you my story. I’m hoping for an update on The Office soon, at least that’s what it sounds like from her blog. Oh, and I’ve been lurking for a while on your blog…

@ Twichotic – You know how to make me feel better…I flirt with my Rob picture at work too, especially when having a bad day. Unfortunately, he tends to change my heightened emotions from angry to…well…horny, and that’s not a good thing when I’m stuck at work. Keep me posted on the fan fic updates!

@ Meg – My DH came up behind me while I was typing this blog post. He asked me if I was the one who considered necrophilia. When I told him no, (and explained the whole conversation) he then said, “You’re not telling any of these crazy people how to get to our house, are you?” I just about died laughing! And I think I’ll be taking notes during future chats for more bloggy ideas.

@ Mary – Have you been grassing on me? (or grassing me up, however you say that.) Stan never told me I couldn’t talk about necrophilia. *innocent look*