OK, let me begin by saying that this is my first ever attempt at writing for a blog…doing more than just posting comments, I mean. Anyone can do that, and anyone does. I do, frequently, ‘nuff said. But Stan’s off enjoying herself in Wales, where they apparently don’t use vowels, and has handed me the hypothetical keys to her blog. For some reason, the crazy bitch trusts me not to fuck this thing up. *gulp*
So I thought, what can I write about? What hasn’t been written about a gazillion times before? What is something new and fresh and fun? And you know what I came up with? Not a freakin’ thing, that’s what.
Then I thought about a chat I had with Stan shortly before she left, and shortly after she asked if I would like to baby sit her blog. We were discussing possible blog ideas for while she was gone, and she had told me, “I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” Gee, thanks. No pressure or anything. That was when I told her that maybe I would just copy and paste our discussion into blogger, and that would be good enough for a post. I mean, we talk about some weird shit, let me tell ya, and I figured it would be entertaining enough.
No, I’m not actually going to paste our totally goofball chat here for everyone to read…first off, I didn’t save it, and second off, a lot of it would probably not make sense to anyone other than Stan and me. (Except Mary, of course. For some reason, she totally gets me.) Anyhoo, the point is, our conversations tend to be all over the map, and it gave me an idea...I will (briefly) examine how much I have changed since becoming a Twitard.
Let me backpedal just a little first…I’m fairly new to the Twi-World. I mean, I had never even heard of Twilight…at all…until my oldest daughter (eight years old, at the time) bought the movie for herself with her left-over Christmas money. That was probably mid-April. I watched it with her, and I have to say, I was unimpressed. I asked my daughter, “who’s that boy playing Edward? He’s kinda familiar…oh, he’s the boy who played Cedric Diggory. Cool.”
And Twilight was promptly forgotten...until the beginning of May, when my darling daughter (remember to read this like a whiny, angst ridden pre-tween) just HAD to have the book Twilight, or she would DIE!! I told her that I would buy it for her, but I would read it first. After all, I had seen the movie, and while it was pretty tame, I realize that books usually go into a lot more detail than the movie. She agreed, I bought the book for her…and the rest, as they say, is history. I was hooked by page three.
So now, here I sit, six months after being introduced to Twilight…a completely different woman. One who may still be unimpressed by the movie, but for some reason, cannot get enough of it…One who no longer looks at Robert Pattinson as the boy who played Cedric Diggory (or as merely a boy, for that matter)…One who has conversations that go something like this:
“You know what I learned from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?”
“I would totally consider Necrophilia.”
(By the way, my contribution was the “no, what?” part.)
For some reason, the thought of Necrophilia and Robert Pattinson, isn’t so gross…is it? Please don’t answer that. I may have mentioned in that same conversation that I would walk a mile over broken glass in my bare feet, just to the lick the place where he sat. I also may or may not have been kidding. I have a Rob Porn file. I have pictures of Mr. Pattinson hung up in my laundry room (inside the cabinet doors so Mr. TwiWeasel doesn’t get too jealous.) I have a beautiful picture of Rob as my desktop background at work. I used to come home for lunch and read a book while I ate, now I come home and read Fan Fiction while I eat. Which reminds me of an e-mail I received the other day. It was full of angst, (much as my life is if I can't get my daily dose to PattinPorn.)
WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SWEAR I thought the Office was a completed story!!
Oh my CHRIST! I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach! Can't.breathe.
Yep, I totally understood how she felt. I felt the same way when I read it…hope this picture helps to get you through your angst while you wait.
Where was I going with this...oh yes, the point is, my life now centers on all things Twilight. And by Twilight, I mean Rob Pattinson. And by Rob Pattinson, I mean sex. *sigh* What have I gotten myself into? By simply trying to protect my innocent little girl, I have become a…a…TWI-WHORE!!! (And I’m damn proud of it.)
Oh, and by the way, Stan...I hope I didn't disappoint you (too much.) Miss you.