Monday, 5 October 2009

The Perfect Rob Interview?

The latest Rob interviews have been doing the rounds this week and I couldn't help wondering what it would be like to interview the man himself.  Well I've taken the interview questions from Joy and decided to have a think what a perfect Rob interview would be like:

Last time we saw you, Twilight was about to be released and you said you didn’t know what to expect of the movie, and that everybody was looking forward to it. After all the success and box office numbers, how do you feel?

Horny. As hell. I love nothing more than to find myself some Robsessed fan, make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and introduce her to my mini Spunk Ransom down here (gestures to his.. erm… crotch). I guess it’s normal, don’t you think?

Of course! But we can’t deny that you’re already such a phenomenon by yourself. You have fans waiting for your next movie and wondering what you’re up to. Are you aware of that?

Haha! (He leans back as he laughs, eyes crinkling) Of course I am! I’ve bloody shagged most of them! (Stops laughing and becomes serious) How about you? (running his hand through his hair, his eyes smoldering into mine as his hand reaches across and he rests it on my knee. Fuuuuuck! This man is HAWT!). Have you read any of the fansites? Loads of them have reviewed me, mini Spunk (gestures to crotch again) rates quite highly you know (Jeeeeez! Wish I did know!)


Does that generate any pressure for you? Has it affected your work or changed your freedom in doing other things, or taking chances for fear of not accomplishing what others expect of you?

Of course not (Rob laughs) I find I’m able to put more into my acting when I’m getting plenty of action in the old trouser snake department (Rob winks and rubs his hand slowly on my knee). Oh, and I always accomplish what’s expected of me, you don’t need to worry on that front.

Does it affect you what tabloids say about you and seeing yourself in the cover of these magazines?

Well the stuff about me and Kristen gets a bit annoying, but only because it ruins my chances of pulling half the time, you wouldn’t believe the amount of women who turn me down because they believe that I’m slipping her one. Which obviously I have done, but still, as if that matters! Would it bother you babe? (Oh lord, his eyes are exploring mine again and shiiiiit, I’ve never seen anyone licking their lips quite that seductively. Looking away quickly before I actually have an orgasm I move onto the next question).


In Twilight we got to see some sexual tension between Bella and Edward. That’s something very enigmatic. Will that continue in the rest of the movies?

Of course! She’s gagging for it! I mean, I know what it’s like to be that (lowers his voice) horny all of the time. I suppose a lot of it’s because Kristen’s gagging for me too, there’s no actress out there who’d be able to conceal that kind of lust. Speaking of which, do I detect a little sexual tension now maybe? (Rob leans closer and whispers in my ear), we could do something to sort that out for you, you know? (I blush bright red and drop all of my papers on the floor. He quickly bends to pick them up for me and glances up my skirt while he’s doing so).

Tell me about how you can’t expect what’s going to happen when you go out.

Oh, completely, you just never know how many girls you’ll be coming home with! (Winks again. I really wish I’d brought some dry underwear with me…)

There are actors who would die to be in your shoes. Would you say that it’s a double life? The one that you live in front of the cameras, in red carpets and the one you live intimately?

(Laughs, hand running through his hair again) I should bloody hope so, you really don’t want to see some of the things that I’ve got up to intimately on the red carpet! (Leans closer again) or maybe you would? Are you one of those type of girls? A bit more outdoorsy perhaps?? (Gah! The finger stroking down my cheek throws me off for a moment and I struggle to regain my professional thoughts as my more personal ones wander)


And in those moments of intimacy and privacy, is it true that you like to play the guitar? What do you do when you’re by yourself?

Hah! Well, I’ve never heard that term used to describe it before! And what about you? What do you like to do when you’re by yourself? (His hand strokes slowly up my bare leg *gulp*)

Speaking of passion and music, we know you write songs. What can you share about it?

Well I’d really rather share the passion than the music (kisses me softly on the cheek. Try to remember how to breathe).

What other artistic endeavours are you interested in?

I think that being able to get another human body to react so entirely to you is an art in itself and it’s certainly something I endeavour to continue to pursue (nibbling my ear lobe now. Holy shit!!)

Do you have a spiritual side?

Well, the ladies have been known to refer to me as a God (smiles)


We know you can’t say much about New Moon, but don’t leave before you tell us, did you have to go to some place dark to play this vampire again?

Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on leaving just yet and the only place I want to go right now is indeed dark and also, hopefully, very moist (kisses me full on the lips and reaches to take the pen from my ha___

Phew, anyone else warm?  No? Just me then *blushes*.  The proper interview can be found at Twilight Poison


TwiWeasel said...

WTF, Stan?! The second he ran his fingers through his hair, I would have forgotten all questions I was intending to ask and jumped that boy right there! We could have finished the interview Post-Coital...

TwiWeasel said...

I went and read the real article...yours is waaaay better.

Stan said...

Thanks. And you're a shameless PattzWhore, I prefer to conduct myself with a little more decorum ;o)

Robinn said...

Wow! Good one! I agree - if he did that hand-through-the-hair thing, the interview would be over and we'd have to find a dumpster or something. Fast.

TwiWeasel said...

@ Stan - Shameless, indeed! And *tear* that's the first time I've ever been called a PattzWhore! Maybe I'll change my screen name...

@ Robinn - I like to think I deserve something a little higher class than a dumpster. *grin* His chair would've been just fine. Ride 'em Cowboy! Yee Haw!

Stan said...

@ TwiWeasel - you're welcome!

@ Robinn - I'd take the dumpster too, I really would not be too fussy with this man. And take no notice of the PattzWhore, there's no way she'd ever tell Rob that she deserved better than what he was offering!

mattsgirl05 said...

Yeehawwww! It is a little warm in here! Although you do have way more restraint that I would have - I'm with TwiWeasel, the minute he ran his hands thru his hair or laid his hand on my knee, I'd be all over it!

Rob's Swiss Miss said...

Holy combustible panties...that was should remake just about all of his interviews. They'd be a lot more *rewarding*...