Saturday, 3 October 2009

Twipolar Disorder

So I've noticed lately that I get just a little over-excited whenever Twilight or Rob is mentioned.  I don't mean a bit of a flip in your stomach excited or a flash in your brain excited, I'm talking full on fucking Jack Nicholson as the joker style excited smile plastered right across my face.  You know, the type that you know is making you look a bit...'special' and is totally giving you away but is too strong to hide, however much you strain.  Just...can'


Did someone say Twilight???!!!

So at 8.30am the other morning I was trying desperately to get the kids ready for school, we were running late, everyone was talking at once, nobody was doing anything to actually get ready themselves, I was doing it all and just about tearing my hair out.  Suddenly my eldest son comes out with "He's being like Rob isn't he?" about my middle son.  Now I can't get into the technicalities here, we ascertained he actually meant Jacob and Mr Stan started on one of his "We don't know anybody called Rob at this house!" rants so I never did actually find out what he was going to say.  The point here is that the moment he mentioned the 'R' word that was it, the smile about yanked my face in two it was that wide and the room tilted for just a moment before it went back to normal again.  Sadly the smile was stuck, I started fumbling around with lunches with my back to my husband, a bit like a teenage boy caught watching porn grabs a cushion to cover his crotch.


I'm gonna get myself one of these babies for the cushion over the face (rather than crotch) moments

I decided I needed to look into this a bit more, it can't be normal to get such rapid mood changes, it was like Bipolar Disorder or something.  And then it hit me, Twipolar Disorder.  I stupidly broke the golden internet rule of never looking anything medical up unless you want to be convinced that you're going to die or need committing to a psychiatric facility.  Well I tell you people, I'm shitting a brick right now.  On the bright side, at least it's not terminal and I'm just about positive I'm not going to be the only one out there. 

So, here is the definition I have adapted (in red) from the Bipolar definition:

Twipolar disorder: A mood disorder that characteristically involves cycles of depression (I prefer to refer to it as normality or NTT: Non Twilight Time) and elation or mania. Sometimes the mood switches from high to low and back again are dramatic and rapid, (oh yes, the mention of a Twiword can do it!) but more often they are gradual and slow, and intervals of normal mood may occur between the high (manic) and low (depressive) phases of the condition. The symptoms of both the depressive and manic cycles may be severe and often lead to impaired functioning (really?  I hadn't noticed that part at all ;o)).

Mania (also known as Joker Smile Phase, or JSP) affects thinking (oh yes!), judgement (hmm, possibly), and social behavior in ways that may cause serious problems and embarrassment (Edbrella anyone? Hello friend, have I mentioned Twilight to you? What about RPattz? No, sorry I can't come out tonight, the VMAs is on...). For example, unwise business (blogging at work) or financial decisions (I must have one of each of those posters, the calendar, a Mini Edward, a life-size cutout of Edward..what do you mean my card was declined?  Ok, maybe I'll leave the cutout for now, I guess that way I'll be able to afford food instead) may be made when an individual is in a manic phase.

Although bipolar disorder often worsens over time if untreated, most people with bipolar disorder can achieve stabilization of their mood swings and reduction of symptoms with proper treatment. Treatment usually consists of medications known as "mood stabilizers" (I'm opting for the prolonged exposure route, desensitisation.  Hey, I have a psychology degree you know, I'm not just making this shit up!)
Scarily accurate huh?  Wait, it's not over yet!  You want more specifics on the symptoms of the mania/JSP? 

Mania might include:
•Feeling like you can do anything, even something unsafe or illegal (Taycob anyone???)


Note to self: Must invest in dog whistle

•Needing very little sleep, yet never feeling tired (Really?  1am already?  I'll just check the blogs once more before I go to bed zzzzzzzzzzzz Wooo, is that my alarm? *Jumps out of bed* must read Twitarded *switches computer on*)

•Dressing flamboyantly (Edbrella?), spending money extravagantly (merch), living recklessly ("Of course I'd fuck Rob if the opportunity *ahem* arose darling.  You have a  problem with that?")

•Having increased sexual desires (now i know I don't need to even add anything here, you figured this out for yourselves), perhaps even indulging in risky sexual behaviors (you can fill this one in yourselves ;o))

•Experiencing hallucinations or delusions (I don't think I actually suffer from this one.  Hang on, I'll just, Rob agrees, no hallucinations or delusions here)

"Will you stop obsessing over this shit Stan and come back over here..."

•Feeling filled with energy (Yep, mention Twi and my muscles start twitching enough to race Edward through the woods, vamp Bella style)

So, in conclusion?  Oh, hang on, will have to finish this later, a van just pulled up and thereare these men with white coats on piling out.....


TwiWeasel said...

OK, so I didn't have time to read the whole post before leaving town, but I have to say I just about pissed myself at the dog whistle caption! I'll be back, promise!

sprtzmom1721 said...

LMFAO!! I knew there was a name for what I had. Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. Stan.


P.S.: Don't worry about coming up with a cure or prescribing any medication. I'm willing to continue suffering for the cause ;)

Twichotic said...

Hilarious!!! I'm DEFINITELY Twipolar - no doubt! Although, knowing that most of us are Twipolar is comforting... example - Twitarded ---obsession most definitely loves company!

You hit every single "mania" exactly! All of them are my favorites! I do all of them. I just read the list to my DH and then added "SEE! I'm NOT ALONE...I'm NOT ALONE in my insanity!"

Stan - you have just been added to my daily list of blogs to visit!! =))))

Twinatic said...

We need to start a Twipolar Disorder Support group, maybe some PSA's, we need to let all the TD sufferers (more like the SOs of the TDs are the sufferers!) know they're not alone!

Brill as always!

TwiWeasel said...

OK, so I finally got this read and OMG, Stan! You fucking nailed it! Especially the increased sexual desires...DH actually told me last night that he likes the new (read:horny) me! I have to say, I agree. *evil chuckle*

Z Any Mouse said...

Okay, so if I like Twilight AND True Blood, does that make me Twi-sexual?

Stan said...


@ Z Any Mouse, yes, that's right! Me too!

I'm also Twilingual due to all of the new words (too numerous to mention) that I have learned, most of them completely made up of course.