I'd watched him at the party, girls throwing themselves at him, crowding round him, getting their pictures taken. Who knew I was only one person away from knowing Robert Pattinson....small world indeed. When my friend Rosie invited me to her party she did mention that she had asked some of the actors to come but she didn't say who.
When I'd walked in I'd frozen, completely and utterly...whispering from the side of my mouth I'd gabbled "Rosie, Robert, here, how, you bitch, I need to go, OMG he's so gorgeous, even with the scruffy beard"
My bitch friend had just laughed at me..."Kris, cool it, don't go fangirl squee on me, it's embarrassing enough with the rest of my friends doing it. He's mortified, poor guy"
So I'd been cool, I hadn't even spoken to him, just occasionally stared. The first time he looked at me I swear to god my underwear spontaneously combusted. Then he had a couple of drinks and he began to look more often. Thank God I have legs I mused otherwise I'd be leaving snail trails everywhere. Ugh I'm so gross at times.
After an hour, he was pretty wasted and very mournful looking....then he'd disappeared. I'd wandered up to the toilet trying to figure a way of telling Rosie I was going without her doing puppy eyes at me when, as I'd opened the door a very, very tall person had nearly fallen on me.
"Woah, dude, you need to watch where you're...oh it's you..um are you ok" I'd hoped to heaven I wasn't doing the twitch, squint thing I did when I got flustered. I'd always hoped it was cute but my last boyfriend Jake said it made me look like a crack addict on withdrawal. Thanks Jake!
Robert Pattinson was as drunk as a skunk, wasted, inebriated, awash with alcohol and that was how I'd ended up with him in my car, driving around and how he'd ended up in my apartment (OMG,OMG,OMG) passed out on my sofa, snoring, with his legs dangling over the end. Man he was TALL.....do you know what else, Iwent to bed...alone...with a mega famous movie star in my home....and I went to sleep after writing in you dear diary...
I could hear groans and banging about and the odd "where the fuck am I?" coming from my living room, so I got up.
I stood in the middle of the room watching him enter my bathroom, the shower turned on and before I thought this is my chance to go peek at his credentials I made myself go into the kitchen and start making coffee.....the shower went off....Robert Pttinson is naked in my apartment!!!!!! The urge to text Mary, Stan and Becky was beyond overwhelming...but no! I couldn't betray his trust...OMG I was going to have to talk to him!
I peeked around the bathroom door. He was looking at himself in the mirror, clad only in one of my towels, hung low around his hips....I must have audibly swallowed as he suddenly spun round looking for all the world like a hunted animal. "Do you have a camera?" he asked...."What?" I answered. His eyes narrowed..." Do...You...Have...A...Camera?" he repeated slowly enunciating each word precisely as if I was stupid.
"I'm not stupid you know, I was just surprised at the question....er do you want a camera?"
He sighed and gave me a look only a man can give a woman when he thinks she's asked a stupid question thus proving him right that she is indeed stupid. I huffed and turned away shouting there is a razor in the cabinet and a spare toothbrush and coffee is in the kitchen....
Sat at the breakfast bar, I realised I'd shouted at Robert Pattinson and got a case of the giggles, I was still chuckling to myself when he reappeared, shaven, well stubbled, I guess he had just trimmed it down a little....oh and unfortunately dressed.
"Better?" I asked. He had the grace to look at least sheepish and said "Yes, I'm sorry, I've been very rude, I didn't know where I was, who you were, although I saw you at the party...um I came home with you? did we...erm I'm assuming we didn't...I woke up on the sofa...fully clothed..." He trailed off, my bitch brow arched to perfection as he fully understood that I did not take men home and just sleep with them..."No, of course not...how very....I'm sorry"
You know that man could talk and apologise to me all he wanted, his voice, the english accent, the almost bumbling apology...I sighed, drawing another curious look from him.
I handed him his coffee saying "it's just black, I have no milk and no sugar...I'm sweet enough I don't keep it" and smiled.
He blushed....ha I made RP blush....
"Look I don't suppose you could take me back to my hotel could you, I'm surprised no one has rung me actually. He picked up his jacket and patted the pockets "oh shit, my phone, it's not here, you didn't take my....no, no of course not, how remiss of me" The brow was back in full force, he backed down....again.
"I'll ring Rosie see if she has it" ....."Hi Rose, yeah I'm sorry I left...I'll tell you later....um look has Robert Pattinson left his phone there...he has...hang on" I nodded to him, covered the phone and said "What do you want to do?"
"Tell her to take it to the hotel, I'll pick it up there" he whispered
"He says take it to the...oh nooooooo, Rose, Rose, ROSE! Look ok, yes he's here, no, nothing happened, slept on the sofa, I know, don't say it, ROSE!!!!!!!, just take it to the hotel and he will pick it up I'll see you later" I shut the phone off and smiled apologetically. "I'm gonna pay for this good deed you know"
He nodded and I grabbed my bag "You ready? Let's go"
He looked at my truck in disgust..."Hey, it was good enough for you last night buster, don't diss the truck"
We drove back across town, him ducking and jumping and hiding whenever we stopped at the lights in case he was spotted." Wow " I said "you have a shitty life..I couldn't be doing with this" and I drove up the road to the hotel to be swamped on all sides by screaming women, girls and camp looking guys...ha who knew he was a gay icon too I thought.
"Get into the underground garage security will fend them off, then run with me to the lift....the elevator" he said taking in my look
The next 5 minutes were the worst of my life, fearing I would kill someone I drove slowly down the ramp, with faces squished aginst the windows and deafening screams of "Bitch, I will kill you"....... WOAH!
The "Lift" was smooth and quick and opened straight into his....bedroom! WTF?!
"Thank you, thank you, you have no idea how crazy they all are" er I do I thought, I'm one of them, not good really. Then suddenly, he's hugging me, tight and thanking me again...and that's when it happened. He kissed me!...O...M....G. Sparks ain't the word...
Robert stepped back, his hand still holding my arm, his face confused.
"Um, well, yes...thank you again, look, (his hand was running through his hair-squeeeeeeeee) can I take you out to dinner to say thank you....again...but it won't be out, out, it will be here....in my living room, here in the hotel...not the bedroom" (hand in hair again and tongue, peeking out to wet lips) I felt like I was in the middle of analyzing a picture of him...."Sure I said, when?"
"Tonight at 7" he said "I'll send a car for you"
Then all hell broke loose again as his manager and team appeared and I was pushed out of the way...I headed of towards the door and caught his helpless look again as he began to explain his absence...laters he mouthed to me, shrugging and smiling his famous lop sided smile....shit, I had a date with Robert Pattinson....
Sorry it's so long a lead in, I got carried away lol...take it away folks what happens next, you gonna do the Rose and Alice (her other friend) take her shopping for hte perfect outfitor just jump straight to when the car picks her up? Every fans dream come true eh?!
Couldn't resist captioning this one for Lisa
I think we've all had some kinda dream involving him or another Cullen lol
While Stan reads her vamp magazine the E's pounce
However as (L-R)Chimpsten, Jacob in wolf form and the other Jacob arrive the E's decide they are on precarious ground!!
Oh I wish you did young man lol
Damn cops...just won't give me a break on this lmao
ROFL...and so the other 3 films were never made...
Lmao I had to put this on it just tickles the hell out of me
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