Stills from New Moon Trailer Starring *fanfare* Mini Edward!

So here in his debut role is Mini Edward.  Can't stop, it's gone to his head, he's shouting me to take the yellow ones out of his M&M's...


"The Volturi are the closest thing my world has to royalty. They enforce the law."
"Yummers, finger nails. Chomp."



"You're a human who knows entirely too much about us. They could kill us all."



"This is the last time you'll ever see me."






*Sob* rrrraaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh *sob*



"I know what he did to you..."



"Huh?...."




"OOF"










"What the hell were you thinking, you crazy biatch?"



"Bella, it's Edward. He thinks you're dead"



"He's going to the Volturi. He wants to die too."



"He left you Bella, he doesn't want you any more."



"He's going to make a scene."









"Here wolfy wolfy"



"TAKE THAT!"







BIFF.  "SHIIIIIIIIT!"









"I know you're only jealous cos you don't look this fuckable in a cloak" *winks*




"This may hurt a little"



"I take it back, the cloak would look hawt, I may even consider doing you myself.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

My Tribute to Twitarded

I can't even describe how much better I feel about my obvious and continued mental health and behavioural issues since I found these two. Their blog http://twitarded.blogspot.com/ is now my first stop every morning (sorry Facebook) and I can rely on their posts and the comments box to make me pee my pants a little bit every day. Anyway, what better way to pay tribute than for me to spend yet more of my time that I should be doing housework (boooo!) composing a parody for them. So, in the style of The Killers Mr Brightside, here we go. A one, two, one, two, three, four...

I'm Twitarded Too Guys

I'm clicking onto my faves
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta log in
Because I want it all

It started out with a book
How did it end up like this?
It was only a book
It was only a book

Now I'm reading the blog
And I'm laughing out loud
Clicking onto a vid
With my tongue hanging out

Now I'm stuck to the spot
While the images pass
Fuck, RPattz is so hot

And he's flashing chest hair now
Taking off his shirt now
Trousers low

And I have to look, it's killing me
I'm out of control

JJ & STY, make me laugh until I cry
Horking liquids down my nose
With their manic Twilight prose

But it's just the price I pay
Twilight blogs are calling me
Open up my cougar eyes
I'm Twitarded too guys

I'm clicking onto my faves
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta log in
Because I want it all

It started out with a book
How did it end up like this?
It was only a book
It was only a book

Now I'm reading the blog
And I'm laughing out loud
Clicking onto a vid
With my tongue hanging out

Now I'm stuck to the spot
While the images pass
Fuck, RPattz is so hot

And he's flashing chest hair now
He takes off his shirt now
Trousers low

And I have to look, it's killing me
I'm out of control

JJ & STY, make me laugh until I cry
Horking liquids down my nose
With their manic Twilight prose

But it's just the price I pay
Twilight blogs are calling me
Open up my cougar eyes
I'm Twitarded too guys

Don'tcha

I know you like me

(I know you like me)

I know you do

(I know you do)

That's why whenever you read Twilight

It does strange things to you

And I know you want me

(I know you want me)

Because you're a wreck

(Because you're a wreck)

Everytime you imagine me

Nibbling right on your neck

Don'tcha wish your husband was cold like me?

Don'tcha wish your husband was a vamp like me?

Don'tcha, don'tcha?

Don'tcha wish your husband had hair like me?

Don'tcha wish your husband could sparkle like me?

Don'tcha, don'tcha?

Resist your urges

(Resist your urges)

I'm just seventeen

(I'm just seventeen)

It must be illegal for a woman of your age

To have designs on my peen

So I'm over a hundred

(So I'm over a hundred)

If you're being picky

(If you're being picky)

But you need to back off now, your Edward obsession

Scares the shit out of me

Don'tcha wish your husband was cold like me?

Don'tcha wish your husband was a vamp like me?

Don'tcha, don'tcha?

Don'tcha wish your husband had hair like me?

Don'tcha wish your husband could sparkle like me?

Don'tcha, don'tcha?

So I know he loves you

(So I know he loves you)

That must be the case

(That must be the case)

Else he would never put up with your pics of me

All over the place

So you should keep me

(So you should keep me)

As your fantasy

(As your fantasy)

When he starts nagging, shut down and in your head

You can always fuck me

Don'tcha wish your husband was cold like me?

Dont'cha wish your husband was a vamp like me?

Don'tcha, dontcha?

Don'tcha wish your husband had hair like me?

Don'tcha wish your husband could sparkle like me?

Dont'cha, don'tcha?

Twilight..I need Twilight....

Oof, it's been a bit of a Twi desert here of late, not good for the soul, let me tell you. Sometimes I suppose it's bound to happen where you get weeks where life just interrupts your Twilight and this has been one of those weeks for me.

My parents came to stay on Sunday for a few days. Now my mum usually disapproves of most things I do (or don't do in the case of cleaning & tidying) and so of course Twilight/Rob is one of those things. It doesn't matter that it makes me happy or that I'm not hurting anyone, because it's something she would never do then she disapproves. I mean, anyone would think that it's not normal for a married woman in her thirties to have an obsession and a crush for God's sake. TBH, I think that's she's out of line criticising my Rob posters, I have vivid memories of her Lionel Richie one that she had back in the 80s, at least Rob's not got a huge 'tache and a jacket with shoulder pads in my pics. Ok, I accept that hers was on the inside of her wardrobe door and mine's on my kitchen door...oh, and behind the kitchen door....and on the downstairs loo door...and I have four more that I've not put up yet, but still.

Anyway, because she doesn't understand my *ahem* interest in all things Twi I did try to tone down my mentioning it, stroking my Twi possessions lovingly and spending all of my time online. Of course I did keep popping on keep up with everything, but it was more in line with the alcoholic snatching the vodka bottle from behind the cushion, taking a swig and putting it back before anyone noticed rather than sitting and working their way through four bottles of wine at their leisure, which would be the alcoholic equivalent of my internet practises I feel.

Usually they'll stay for two nights at the most - oh no, not this time! It's like they could feel my pain and wanted to test out my endurance that bit more - it was a three nighter this time! Honest to God, I thought I would explode with no Twi outlet. Since then it's been activities with the kids conspiring against me.

Am feeling better now I've had a quick catch-up here, off to squeeze a few more minutes of Clipped Wings and Inked Armour in before the school run - am loving Tattward!

Hey There Renesmee

Hey there Renesmee
What's it like to be a hybrid?
Who'd have thought Edward and Bella
Would manage to conceive a kid?
No, not I
Stephenie Meyer tell me why?
Were you just high?

Hey there Renesmee
You were lucky with the gene pool
Yes, you're charming and you're graceful
Not a klutzy whiny fool
A stroke of luck
Still we all shouted "What the fuck?
This baby sucks"

Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
What a stupid name

Hey there Renesmee
You'll be grown in seven years
And it will all be rather awkward
When you spend time with your peers
You'll bring them home
They'll want to jump your old man's bones
And make him moan

Hey there Renesmee
Yes your mum will be your sister
And your dad will be your brother
Let's hope no-one sees him kiss her
Incest's bad
Grandparents playing mum and dad
You'll end up mad

Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
What a stupid name

A name like yours is pretty dumb
And add about your dad and mum
Then think what else can go into the mix?
How about a wolf-cum-man
We'll make him your biggest fan
He'll spend his time with you, not legal chicks
Renesmee I can promise you
That by the time that Meyer's through
Twi-world will never ever be the same
It's such a shame

Hey there Renesmee
I hope I've not seemed too bitter
But the storyline about you
Well, it really was a shitter
It was wrong
I felt compelled to pen this song
I hope it hasn't been too long
Hey there Renesmee it's all true
This song's for you

Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
Oh, what a stupid name
What a stupid name

Woooohooooooo!!

Well, much excitement for me today! I went over to meet a friend I don't see nearly often enough and she presented me with two bookshop posters that she'd acquired for me. They are fab....and huge. I walked round my house (Mr Stan is away so had no snide comments to put up with while I did this) trying to find a spot big enough to accommodate the big one.

Now while I'm possibly too open about my love of Twi my parents are coming to stay tomorrow and I do feel that if I put my new posters up before they come, along with the two I bought the other week and am yet to site, that they might possibly get a bit too concerned, so they'll have to wait a day or two. I excitedly told my mum about Edbrella on the phone today, I have to say, a disappointing reaction, I got far more enthusiasm from my poster bearing friend when I put him up and gave him a twirl for her in a car park this morning.

So the second cause of excitement? Well, it actually rained at last! Unfortunately I was driving home at the time and as usual I had trouble controlling my thoughts. Thankfully I do tend to have such strange ones that I'm very well practised in resisting carrying them out now, so I did manage not to do either of the following things that crossed my mind:

1. Pull into one of the many laybys that I passed, retrieve Edbrella, put him up and take a photo of myself with him in the rain.

2. Walk up and down the several mile long tail back of traffic on the opposite side twirling Edbrella for all to see - imagine how exciting that spectacle would be for any unsuspecting stranded Edward fan?! (See, I'm a potential public service figure really).

So, imagine my disappointment when I got home and it wasn't actually raining here. Of course it started as soon as it was dark and I'd got Harry (or mini-Rob as I like to call him now following yesterday's impromptu photo shoot) to bed. Now I'll admit that I'm sad, but really, even I wouldn't go walking round my own garden in the dark with Edbrella.

Of course there's a very good reason for this....now that it's come to it I'm not sure that I want to get him wet.

At the moment I'm reading New Moon. I came across a bit today that I'd like to share along with a slight modification of my own:

'Outside, the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket. I had to drive more slowly than I wanted to; I could hardly see a car length in front of the truck. But I finally made it through the muddy lanes to Jacob's house. Before I'd killed the engine, the front door opened and Jacob came running out with a huge black umbrella. I looked twice, unsure that what I was seeing wasn't a hallucination, as the hole in my chest ripped wider and my breath caught in my throat. Finally I managed to speak.
"Holy fuck Jake, is that an.....Edbrella?" '

Edbrella (Ella ella, eh eh eh)

I saw you there, with that sexy vampire stare

I waited six weeks for you, A brolly so very rare

The postman brought a roll, I slid you out the hole

Anf then you were soon unfurled, and round the room we twirled

Because

When the sun shines, we'll shade together

I hope your spokes stay strong forever

May your framework never bend

Or else I'll lovingly have to mend

May it rain now more than ever

Know that you can be my cover

You are my beautiful Edbrella

You are my beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh, eh eh eh)

Fit right in, with my everyday routine

You'll do the school run with me, at 9 and half past 3

And if on a windy day, you happen to blow away

Don't worry cos I'll find a way, to catch you come what may

Because

When the sun shines, we'll shade together

I hope your spokes stay strong forever

May your framework never bend

Or else I'll lovingly have to mend

May it rain now more than ever

Know that you can be my cover

You are my beautiful Edbrella

You are my beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh, eh eh eh)

I'll hold you above my head

To stop me from getting wet

Stay over me

I'll hold you by the handle nice and firm

So go on and let the rain pour

You'll be all I need and more

Because

When the sun shines, we'll shade together

I hope your spokes stay strong forever

May your framework never bend

Or else I'll lovingly have to mend

May it rain now more than ever

Know that you can be my cover

You are my beautiful Edbrella

You are my beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh)

My beautiful Edbrella

(Ella ella, eh eh eh, eh eh eh)

It's raining, Ooh baby it's raining

Edbrella come here to me

Come here to me

It's raining, Ooh baby it's raining

Edbrella come here to me

Come here to me

It's pouring rain

It's pouring rain

Come here to me

Come here to me

Rob....covered in chocolate

I know what you're thinking, sounds divine right? In fact, if I had a little longer to think about that sentence then I'd probably be agreeing. Wait, no actually, I wouldn't. Well, not on here anyway because I'd have disappeared in my own little world trying to work out the finer details of how the chocolate got there, where it was exactly, how on earth we'd manage to get it off again......

(10 mins later) See! I knew that would happen! No, sadly this is a much more serious tale involving a small child and a chocolate biscuit (getting the picture?). So of course, when my 2yr old had finished his biscuit and had his hands covered in chocolate he was immediately drawn like a magnet to my Twilight bookmark. I reached down to take it from him - controlling my rising panic fairly well I felt - only to find he wasn't giving up without a fight. I have to say, even in my anguished state, I had to laugh during the inevitable tug-of-war when he started shouting 'Bob! Bob!' The most unfortunate part of the whole affair was the fact that it was witnessed by a friend of mine who had just finished telling me that she'd spent the morning discussing how sad my Twilight obsession was with some other women. I'd laughed it off and insisted that it makes me happy and I'm not hurting anyone with it but there I was demonstrating that actually there have been just as many intense anxious moments as happy ones.

For example, this morning when my 4yr old threatened to throw my Edbrella in the bin *gasp*!. Or the time my 5yr old ripped one of my posters. Or when I found a puddle of water right where my red-edged copy of New Moon had been sitting. Now I'm not sure if you have the red-edged edition, but let me tell you, they don't mix well with water, I know as a lot of my anxious moments have occured whilst reading them in the bath!

Reading there's been a new trailer released online and racing to try and find it to watch before they all get pulled - yet more anxiety, and trying to email a fanvid to a friend and your broadband refuses to let you, even more. Perhaps the peak levels are reached whenever I see my husband pick up my Rob mug, I know exactly what evil thoughts are going through his head.

I guess you just can't have the pleasure without the pain.

Yet another Twi blog...

I've recently been encouraged to start a blog. Not this one though, one based on my mad motherhood rantings. Then, after just one post I then had a dream about Robert Pattinson which sent my Robsession up several notches off the scale. I thought that probably the non-Robsessed amongst my friends wouldn't want to read my Robward musings so I haven't posted on it since. Unfortunately this also leaves many of my Twilight/Rob whizzing around in my head when what I really need is confirmation that I'm not the only nutjob out there.

My latest dilemma is whether anybody else has actual serious trains of thought before they realise that Twilight isn't real? This started yesterday, my mother-in-law asked me to pop into church to pick up her copy of the church magazine. Now several weeks ago, when we were having non-stop rain here, I ordered myself a rather beautiful Edward umbrella (henceforth known as my Edbrella - and yes, I spent a good half an hour deliberating over the best combination of the words Edward and umbrella to come up with that one, see why I worry about myself??!). Well the Edbrella only arrived last week and ever since the weather has, typically, been fine. So, imagine my excitement yesterday as it approached school run time and there were grey clouds overhead - definitely an excuse to take my Edbrella with me.

As I left the church, magazine in one hand, Edbrella in the other, it suddenly struck me that maybe it wasn't appropriate to take an Edward related item into church, what with him being a vampire and all, I then decided that since Carlisle's father had been a man of the cloth that it must be ok - oh, but hadn't he started up the vampire hunting parties that led to Carlisle being changed? Hmm, a dilemma indeed until I suddenly realised *whispers* Twilight isn't real you know? Of course, ever shocked at myself for getting so carried away I laughed to myself (luckily nobody around at this point) and carried on my way worrying about my state of mind instead.

My worries were further compounded by the near-hysterical state I entered whilst watching the MTV VMAs where Rob & co were introducing the next New Moon trailer. I even sat clapping to myself in excitement while I waited. Normal? No, but alone in such behaviour? Apparently not as my fellow Twi-fan friend 'Mary' (as in Mary Shelley as she is responsible for creating the monster I have become ;o)) reported that she was 'woo-hoo'ing to herself at home. There must be help out there? Not sure I want it though, I'm having far too much fun.....