Friday, 19 November 2010

Friday Fun Five is back...

and so am I. They keep leaving the door open. Just sayin'.

We're starting with a clean slate this week. I know you know the rules, but just in case there are some newbies, this is how it works. There will be five random questions, and you will type your answers in the Comments. Don't be shy. Yes, that's a house rule ;) Early next week, someone will be chosen as the winner. That person will pick out the questions for the next FFF and email them to Stan or Nibbles. Easy, right? Right.

Just for shits and giggles, I'm going to put a little spin on it today. Cue the music, please.

"Ladies, let's meet our lucky bachelor...Robert Pattinson!"
*claps, cheers, whistles*

"Rob, behind this computer screen are three crazy h00rs lovely ladies who want to hump date you. You will get to ask five questions and then pick one of them to take home to meet Kristen on a date. Ready with your questions, Rob?"

*nervous laugh*
"I think so, Lisa."

*grabs his ass shoulder and gives it a squeeze*
"Never think, Rob. It will only make you more nervous."

"Bachelorette #1. What was your first pet,
and what is/was its name."

 "Bachelorette #3. I love the quote used in Remember Me
(and Lisa thinks I look really hot in a white linen shirt).
What is one of your favorite quotes from a movie?

Bachelorette #2. Who would you like to see as my next co-star?
(Sorry! Lisa says it can't be you.)

Kate Beckinsale

Bachelorette #1. I hear Jumping Rob is quite a hit. *blushes*
What situation would you put him in that you haven't seen already?

Bachelorette #2. Does size really matter?

"Time's up, Rob. We're going to go to commercial, and when we come back, you'll tell us who the lucky bitch winner is."

Thanks for tuning in!

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

The Return of Community Fanfic!

"That's right ladies, the nob on the Rob is so big, that this is the only way I can stand comfortably."

Heeeeey!  It's been a while, but since you were all good enough to come and ogle Rob's Nob with us, courtesy of TwiWeasel, I thought it might be nice to get the old Thursday CFF out again.

Come and join in, don't be shy!  Hmm, this possibly warrants an ode of its own.

There once was a gaggle of ho's
Who liked to practice their prose
They start off quite clean
But get more obscene
The longer the story goes

Ok, I have a special request for a spot of slash this week from our lovely Becky, author of Dark Wolves & Vampire Delights, go and read & review, it's fab!

Ok, so here goes...

  "I don't know, Edward.  It's just not sounding right."  My best friend Jasper put his guitar down on the bed next to him and lay down, frustrated.  We'd been practicing our latest song for the past hour and a half, and were getting nowhere.

  The door flew open, banging back against the wall.  Filling the doorway was my brother, Emmett. The necks of three beer bottles clutched between the massive fingers of one hand.  He was grinning widely, and I didn't doubt that was down to the fact that he had his other hand on the waist of some gorgeous blonde I didn't recognise.  Although that could have been because I couldn't keep my eyes off her tits.  Hey!  Don't judge!  They were virtually uncovered anyway, her plunging tight top leaving just about nothing to the imagination.

  "Dude, don't you ever knock?" Jasper sniped at him, taking his frustrations about how the rehearsal was going, out on Emmett.  Em laughed.  The beers in his hand were obviously not the first he'd had.
  "Why?  Am I interrupting something?"  He looked at Jas again, taking in his reclined position on the bed.  "Aah!  I get it, Edward here was about to give you a blow job!  Am I right?"

  I cringed.
  "Fuck you, Em."  I was uncomfortable with his ongoing jokes about Jasper and I, not least because that's where my thoughts had been a lot recently, and I was shit-scared and more than a little uncomfortable with it.  Men weren't my thing, they never had been.  Since my split with Bella though, Jas had been really good to me.  I was sure I'd seen him looking at me differently more than once, but I'd quickly disspelled it.

  "Oh well then,"  Emmett said, turning to the girl in his arms.  "Irina, maybe you'd like to help Jas here out?"
  "Sure, honey," she told him, smiling widely at him with her dazzling white teeth.  I backed away from the bed, unable to keep the discomfort from my face.  Jas caught my eye and gave me one of those looks again.  I hadn't imagined them at all, I knew I hadn't.  Em came to stand by me and handed me a beer.  I took a deep drink from the bottle, urging the cold liquid to cool the heat of embarrassment creeping across my cheeks.  I didn't think I'd ever get used to this aspect of life in a successful band. 

  Emmett pointed and laughed as Irina unbuttoned Jas's jeans and pulled his already hard cock out.  My eyes were drawn to it.  As much as I tried to avert my eyes,  I couldn't.  I felt someone watching me.  Him again. 

Ok hobags, take it and run!  Do with it what you will!

Monday, 15 November 2010

Ode to Rob's Nob... (NSFW)

100% All Beef Thermometer

Trouser Snake

Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger

Man Meat








Baby Arm

Pudding Thrower

Balony Pony



One Eyed Willy





Spicy Pepperoni

Steel Shaft




Disco Stick



OK, so "ode" might be pushing it a little too far.


But, I know for a fact that these are not the only slang words for penis.

Tell me the comments.

Pic courtesy of those dirty ho's at RobManiPorn